Page 68 of The Prom Queen Project
I bit my lip, flaring my nostrils as my voice found its way out of my mouth, somehow overcoming the part of my brain urging it to stay silent. “No one can force you to be someone you aren’t. If you don’t want to be on the team, don’t be on the team.”
“But my sister would be so disappointed—”
“I think she’d be more disappointed knowing you aren’t being yourself,” I said while shrugging my shoulders. “In fact, as of right now, I’m kicking you off the team.”
“Wait.” She paused, her glistening eyes reflecting a flicker of hope. “Really?”
“If that’s what you want, then yeah.”
“I think…it is.”
“Okay.” I puffed out my cheeks. “Then, you’re fired. Go live your life.”
“Are you sure? I don’t wanna put you in a bad position by—”
“Go, Cam. Just go…be happy,” I said breathlessly. “And talk to your sister. I’m sure she’ll understand.”
I swallowed hard, my gaze inching downward bit by bit.
“Okay.” She nodded, each time more confidently than the last. “Okay, yeah. I can do that.”
I cleared my throat, throwing back my hair as she got up and walked away. I angled my chin up, getting lost in the droning of the pale lights anchored to the ceiling. My eyes stung with moisture as I shook my wrists and arched my back until my posture became rigid.I am a hypocrite.I knew that.But unlike Camryn’s sister, I couldn’t just expect my sister to forgive me for quitting because she was dead.
For weeks, I had been so focused on Elliot that I forgot about what senior year was all about.I needed to win Prom Queen.The hairs on my arm stood at attention as I clawed at my jeans. I hated the person I had become.
Ever since I met Meredith, I could barely recognize myself anymore. No matter how much it pained me, I knew I had to keep playing the role of the pretty Princess in order to be liked at least to a certain degree. It was one thing to stop being friends with Meredith, but it was another thing to destroy everything that people liked about ‘me’ in the first place. I couldn’t tarnish my reputation any more than I already had.
Around me, I watched as no one paid me a second glance, gliding by as though I didn’t exist. Even in the lunchroom, my face was plastered all over the walls. I buried my head in my hands. Maybe I shouldn’t have put those posters up.
Was I being too obnoxious?
Did people resent me for trying so hard?
Were they ignoring my presence because I screwed overtheMeredith Sawyer?
Or maybe it was because I turned down star quarterback Ryan Connors?
Did the outcasts’ opinions carry less weight than Elliot suggested?
Whatever it was, I knew that I couldn’t go back. I just had to keep pushing forward like everything was okay and act like I was still the same old Clarke I portrayed myself as when I first moved here, all while praying to God that I could win over the outcasts to garner a few votes.
As much as I longed to choose myself and follow my own desires, the way Camryn had, that wasn’t a choice I could afford. This wasn’t just about me; it was about justice.
What started at the beginning of the day as enthusiasm faded to lackluster. I squeezed my eyelids together, pushing back tears as I picked myself up and trudged back over to Andrew and Dani. A hollow ache gnawed at my inner rib cage. I pushed away the tray of food in front of me, rubbing my temples.
“You’re frowning.” Andrew smirked. “That’s more like it.”
Something inside me cracked as I slammed my palms against the table, leaning forward, and my tongue snapping like a whip. “What’s your problem with me, Andrew? Because I’m tired of your constant teasing. I don’t have time for your fucking games. I can’t…” My voice wavered; the anger being unmasked by the pain. “I don’t…” The tears pricking my eyes bubbled to the surface, rolling down my face. I wiped them immediately. “Fuck.”
“Shit,” Dani mumbled. She circled the table and sat beside me, placing a hand on my back.
“Whoa, I wasn’t trying to—”
“Stop,” I pleaded while pushing Dani’s arm away. “Please, stop. Just…just tell me why you hate me.”
Andrew sighed. “I don’t hate you, Clarke.”
“Yeah, right.” I scoffed. “You’ve been an ass to me ever since we met.”
