Page 71 of Pyscho
She looks at me, “No, sweetheart, she was out of it for two days, and when she woke, her whole world was torn apart. Her best friend, the love of her life, was in a coma, and the doctor wanted her to take your son off oxygen.”
I look back at my son, my heart pounding.
“They didn’t think he would survive?” I confirm, and Mama sniffles.
“There was under a five percent chance he was going to survive, and even now, he isn’t out of the woods,” she whispers, and I swear my heart drops.
Sighing, I sit forward and link my fingers together, not taking my eyes off my son.
“Do you remember everything that happened?” Mama asks, and I hum.
“Where Ivy is concerned, yeah, I do. There are some memories that are a blur, but Ivy, our son, Clara, Hayden, yeah, I remember everything,” I admit, “I remember the feeling of disappointment and the hurt.” I shake my head, “She lost my trust by not trusting me with the whole Clara situation. She hurt me not telling me about our son.”
“You’ve both been through a lot, sweetheart,” Mama says.
I nod in agreement and mutter, “We both sucked at communication. The feelings have been lingering for years, but neither one of us spoke up or even attempted to make a move. When she had, instead of explaining she didn’t want to move to New York, that she wanted me, she doubled down, expecting me to be able to read her mind and fight for her, and I did fight. I just fought for her independence instead.”
Mama chuckles lightly and whispers, “Sounds about right for two best friends falling in love.”
I smile a little. I know she’s thinking of her and Dad, and I must admit, I’ve seen them get closer.
“Have you finally forgiven Dad?” I ask, not taking my eyes off Hudson, and she replies, “Slowly, it’s baby steps at the moment. He needs to prove I’m all he wants.”
I nod a little and mutter, “Who knew you and Dad would end up back together, yet Clara and Glock are done?”
Mama snorts and states, “Not me, that is for sure,” making me grin before she asks, “I’m losing my chance at holding him today, aren’t I?”
I half smile and admit, “Absolutely,” and she sighs with aspiration.
The nurse said only two people can hold him today, for ten minutes each, and I need to hold him. I’m itching to even if I am petrified that I’ll break him, and Ivy needs another hold. Dad mentioned she only held him for a few minutes yesterday and looked ready to fall apart when the nurse had to put him back, I just had no idea it was her first and only time holding him and I fucking missed it as well which just pisses me off even more.
I feel like I’ve missed everything and left Ivy alone, even though it wasn’t my fault.
I was kind of in a coma.
“I feel like I’m failing, Mama,” I admit without looking at her.
“You’re not, Jax,” she denies.
I smile a little and mutter, “You have to say that you’re my mother,” and she snorts.
I sigh, “I’ve got my most important memories back where she’s concerned. I know how I feel when I’m with her, even more so now that I remember, but I don’t know how to navigate it all.”
“You’ve just got to take it a day at a time, Jax,” she replies, and I shake my head and look her way.
“I feel like I don’t have time, Mama,” I say, and she frowns. I admit, “I’m petrified I’m going to lose her,” I look at our son, “If we lose him, I’m going to lose her and the thought scares the living shit outta me.”
The door opening gets my attention, but I don’t turn away from my son despite my body humming, knowing it’s my girl.
I may not know how to navigate my memories and all the fucking feelings that seem to be overriding me but I do know one thing. Ivy Miller is my girl, she always has been.
“Do you forgive, Ivy?” Mama asks knowing she’s just walked in, “the past, everything?”
I nod because I do. I had before I was fucking shot, I just knew we had to get everything out on the table so we could move forward now though all that just seems small.
“Does that mean you’re both now going to be together?” Mama asks with hope, and I smirk.
She’s practically jumping in her seat while Ivy has paused near the door, waiting for my answer. We haven’t spoken much since we arrived here yesterday, and our main focus has been this amazing little boy we created.
