Page 89 of Roads Behind Us
Bea woke me gently with her warm hand on my shoulder.
“The doctor was here,” she said as I opened my eyes.
The baby cooed behind me, and when I flipped on my lamp and rolled over, he lay between us, sleeping soundly in the middle of my bed as Bea sat on the opposite edge.
Shit. I slept through that? “What’d Dr. Whitley say?”
“Stu’s okay. Everything’s fine, but he wants Stu to see a special pediatrician in Jackson just to be safe.”
The relief was overwhelming.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, looking hard into Bea’s bright eyes. God, did she have any idea how beautiful she was or how hard I’d fallen for her in less time than it took for my heart to beat?
“Bax, stop apologizin’. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know,” I said, “but I’m about to.”
“Huh?”
“I love you.”
Her sharp intake of breath told me she’d heard me loud and clear, even though my voice wasn’t any stronger than a breeze.
“I love you, and I know it’s fast. I know this is all so fucked up, but you and Athena are the only good things for me in this world right now. I’m just gonna say what we’ve both been thinkin’ about: don’t go. Don’t leave when the cabins are done.
“I’m part of a package deal. I know that. You didn’t ask for that, and maybe right now, it doesn’t look all that attractive to you, but there’s a beautiful life here for you if you want it.”
She stilled and watched as I smoothed my hand over Stu’s foot and held it between my fingers, feeling its plump warmth beneath the thin blanket tucked around him. I hadn’t made a conscious decision to touch him; it was some kind of automatic compulsion to connect with him, to make sure he was breathing and content.
But once I had, it wasn’t enough. I sat up and scooped him into my arms, holding him to my chest below my heart so he could feel it beating, so he would feel that there was love in the world for him despite the fact that his parents had abandoned him.
Bea watched as tears rolled down my cheeks, splashing onto Stu’s blanket.
“I love you too,” she said. “I tried not to?—”
Her words stuck in her throat as I lifted the baby and kissed his warm cheek, and I curled him even closer, trying not to break him or crush him between my arms. He smelled so good, clean and sweet and milky. His hair, a light brown color, was as soft as down, and I wondered what color it would be when he was ten. Dixon had brown hair like mine, but I had no clue what Stu’s mama looked like.
Holding him eased something inside me. I knew it shouldn’t, but it did.
Suddenly, Bea’s arms were wrapped around me and the baby both. She cried with me.
“I love you too, Bax,” she whispered. “I tried not to, but the way you love Athena, the way I can already tell you love this baby, that you’d do anything for them? I really never had a choice in the matter.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” She kissed my cheek. “I love you. I don’t care if it’s too soon. I don’t know what it means.” She held me tighter. “I have no idea what to do now, but Athena’s right. It’s pretty simple.”
When she pulled away, I smiled. Feeling her love, hearing her say she loved me too allowed possibilities to bloom inside my head, possibilities of things I never thought I’d feel or have again.
“You’ll stay? You’ll figure this out with me?”
She straightened and nodded, wiping her tears away with soft brushes of her fingertips. “There’s nowhere else on this earth I’d rather be. We’ll figure it out.”
“Come to me.” I reached for her with one hand. She leaned in again and kissed me softly. “Things have definitely taken a turn. It wasn’t even four weeks ago when you showed up in the dark, and I concocted plans to fuck the daylights out of you.”
Embarrassment and shock showed on her face, and she swatted my arm. “Bax!”
I chuckled, drying the tears under my eyes with the neck of my T-shirt. “And now there’s a baby, and my impossible mother downstairs, and a whole lot of complicated history. You sure you’re up for this?”
