Page 91 of Roads Behind Us
I heard Stu’s new bedroom door squeak open in the hall when Rye unlocked it, and then Athena’s voice in there with Rye and Bea. “Ooo! Look at that. I remember when my mama bought that. Hey! That used to be my stuffed tiger. I wondered where she went.”
The creaky floorboard at the top of the stairs squeaked, and Merv joined everybody. “I made that blanket,” she said. “Crocheted it myself when Athena was born.”
I found myself moving closer to my bedroom door. It wasn’t lost on me that I’d locked Athena’s childhood away when I locked the memory of Duo in the bedroom he never got the chance to fall asleep in. Damn. I was sorry about that. What had she missed because of my refusal to face the pain?
That realization cemented the decision for me, and when I finally made my way to the third bedroom and stood on the threshold, holding myself up with the crutches beneath my arms, everyone turned to look at me.
Soft light from a standing lamp in the corner flooded the ceiling, painting the nursery with warmth and illuminating my past and a path to my future.
I nodded to the Wyoming wildlife mobile hanging over the plain birch crib I still remembered building. The little stuffed bear, moose, bison, and wolf dangled motionlessly from a hook in the ceiling. “Your mama made that herself,” I told Athena. “Stuffed the animals with the filling from an old couch pillow.”
“She did?” Athena asked, wonder in her eyes.
“Yeah.” I moved into the room slowly and stood next to the crib. “She worked on it at night, after you’d gone to bed while we watched—” I laughed as a realization hit me. No shit? Really?
“What did you watch with Mama, Daddy?”
Dumbfounded and believing in woo-woo more every second, I replied, “Sons of Anarchy.”
“Good fuckin’ show,” Rye said, nodding.
“Watch your mouth,” Merv scolded. “There’s babies here.”
Athena rolled her eyes. “Granny, I am not a baby.”
Bea tried to hide her laugh, and Rye mumbled, “Yes, ma’am.” But then he chuckled and wrapped his arm around Merv’s shoulders.
I set a crutch against the side of the crib and reached for Athena, and she tucked herself beneath my arm. Bea moved closer, still holding the baby, so I leaned on Athena and held my other arm out for Bea. Stuey squeaked and opened his eyes while Bea hugged my side.
The women in my life held me up, and Merv smiled a true, genuine smile for the first time in a long time.
“Life goes on,” she said. “How it should.”
Epilogue
BEA
With my face raised to the spring sun, I sat next to a grave, feeling the cemetery’s cold grass beneath my butt, dampening the ass of my jeans.
My boss had officially decided to move Lee Construction down to Wisper, and I had been appointed to lead the bunkhouse project starting next week, which meant I was free to move in with Bax.
Brand hadn’t cared at all that I loved Bax. In fact, Brand had seemed more than happy about his brother finding love again.
It had felt weird not working my normal job over the holidays and early spring, but I’d been swept up into family life, and I helped out on the ranch a lot. It kept me busy, but I was excited to get my hands on some raw lumber again and a new group of men I could boss around.
Brand wasn’t planning to move home permanently until later in the fall, but I’d driven back to Sheridan as soon as the cabins were finished, with Athena, Stu, and Bax in tow, but only to retrieve all my stuff from my studio.
Athena had ridden in the front of Bax’s truck with me so she could be my navigator, while Bax got stuck in the back seat, trying to entertain Stu for seven hours. It took more like ten ’cause that baby had no interest in being strapped into a car seat for extended periods of time. He wanted out to explore. Just like Athena, Stuart was a road trip too.
Relocating my entire life had been another whirlwind. A good whirlwind, but a whirlwind all the same, and some days, Bax’s stubborn streak drove me up a wall. Athena took after her dad in that regard, so when one of them pushed me to a limit I’d never even known I had, which was kind of often, I’d drive over to the cemetery and hash it out with Candy and Duo.
Bax and Athena had both gotten their stubbornness from Merv, and since she’d moved into her new house, which was, like, a country block away, she could be a little… over the top. But she’d backed off as much as I could’ve expected her to. She saw that I loved her family just as hard as she did, and now that she had Stu to fawn over, her reality was a little sweeter than her usual salt.
Bax said he didn’t feel Candy and Duo’s presence anymore. He was confident Candy had moved on. She didn’t linger in his dreams anymore, but I wasn’t so sure.
I saw Candy every day in the curve of Athena’s smile, her hair, and in the kindness she displayed toward every living being.
Candy lived on in the little ways Bax showed his love: the wildflowers he picked for me and left in a Mason jar next to my side of the bed, the spicy little drawings he’d leave in my underwear drawer of the two of us locked together, making love with the moon lighting us in its glow through our bedroom window.
