Page 26 of Praise Me: Lumberjack
I’m surrounded by a cast of people my own age that invite me out every night to the Château Marmont or whatever club they’ve decided to frequent. I’ve gone a couple of times, but I can’t do anything but sit in the corner, numb, my drink untouched in front of me.
I don’t want to be there.
I don’t want to be anywhere.
I need to be cuddling with Penn.
My body is bereft without his heat. Somehow sleeping one night in his bed has ruined my ability to sleep in my own. My cold sheets are no match for his hairy barrel chest and his open grip on my hip. The way he adjusts his position to accommodate my preferred sprawl or snuggle. How he’d kiss my head and rub my back.
I yearn for his voice.
I feel sick without his solid dependability in my life. His belief in me.
Have I matured in the wake of our whirlwind affair and learned how to stand on my own two feet, in a new, positive way? Yes. I fired my manager, found a new one. I’m in the process of buying a permanent home. I’m showing up to set on timeevery day, my lines have been learned and I’m focused on being a professional. On building my career the wayIwant it to look. Not the industry.
But even a marvel, especially my marvel, needs to come home and let her man do the soothing. Are you going to give me that responsibility, Jenna?
Why didn’t I just say yes?
I turn away from the set, my intention to change in my trailer and go home, but there’s a man blocking my path. It’s the director. He’s still here.
A quick glance to my right and left tells me no one else is around.
But he’s been professional with me thus far, so I check my discomfort for now.
“Jenna, we’ve got your seduction scene tomorrow…” He rubs his hands together, his eyes taking a quick tour of my body, which is clad in a leather mini skirt, heels and a crop top, in keeping with the provocative nature of my character. “I hope it’s not inappropriate to say I can’t wait to film it.”
He’s talking about the scene where I seduce my target, only to stab him in the heart as soon as we’re alone in a hotel room in Tokyo. Or a set that looks like a hotel room in Tokyo, at least. “Oh. Um...”
“I know we already met with the intimacy coordinator to discuss your comfort level for the scene, but I’m really looking to give this part of the story…pop. Fire.” He takes a sauntering step in my direction. “And you’re so beautiful, Jenna. Shouldn’t we give the people what they want? A little more…”
“Nudity?”
“Yes.”
I’m instantly exhausted. Icanfight this battle. And I will. I’m not the only actress fighting it. But there are some days, like today, that I don’t have the bandwidth. I suspect that’s whyhe’s approaching me now, after a strenuous day of filming. My energy level is low. There’s no one around.
“We could have given this part to so many girls…” he laughs, running fingers through his dyed black hair. “But we went with you. You know what I’m saying?”
There it is. The demand for a show of gratitude. A reminder to kiss the ring.
Not today. Not ever.
Feeling an urgency to put space between me and the direction before I knock him down a peg and inform him I’ll be calling my agent, lawyer and manager on a conference post haste, I reverse a step—
And my back hits something hard.
“Leave it with me,” a familiar deep voice says into my hair.
Shock hits me in the solar plexus and I quite simply collapse. Carrying the world on my shoulders is rewarding, but as soon as I hear Penn’s voice, the weight rolls off and my legs turn to nothing in the wake of the whiplash relief. In a matter of seconds, I go from defending myself with a sword against a five-headed fire monster to sleeping in a meadow, in the arms of my king—and he’s always, always keeping watch.
Penn catches me, turns me around. Elevates me with a brawny arm beneath my butt, so I can bury myself in his neck, my arms squeezing his neck with a force that would kill any other man besides this one. My man only grunts, rubbing my back encouragingly.
“You’re here. You’re really here,” I whimper, soaking the shoulder of his T-shirt with happy tears. “I should have asked you to come, Penn. I need you. Iloveyou. What was I thinking? That I could live without you? I can’t.”
“Shh. I’m here now.” His voice hardens, his hand tugging down the hem of my leather skirt, which has ridden up. Next, he addresses my director with a murderous tone. “And if youever approach her again without me present, especially about something that involves her body, I’ll put your fucking head through a wall. Is that understood?”
“Who…” Based on the sound of his footsteps, the director is backing away. “Who the hellareyou?”
