Page 117 of Barefoot Dreams
I’m surprised we managed to win the game tonight when my head wasn’t in it at all. I kept hearing the lies I told Cal the other day. And there was this tug in my chest that felt off.
I was so fucking tired of feeling off!!! It seems to be the only thing I’ve felt my whole life so when Kimmy ran at me, her cheerleading skirt shorter than all the rest, I knew there was no way out.
I knew I was fucked because she jumped up.
I caught her.
And she pressed her lips to mine, kissing me.
I have never kissed anyone before, and I’ve always thought it had to be special. That I wouldn’t feel anything if I was kissing anyone other than Julie, but then I felt Kimmy in my arms, my body reacted, my ears registered the whoops and whistles from the sidelines and for a brief second I felt normal.
I felt like all the rest of the guys did. I understood what they meant when they would explain how it felt to go out with the girl, to kiss her, to date her and I decided to give it a try.
Why not, right? I wasn’t supposed to settle down with someone this early on, right? At least that’s what everyone always said. And I guess Julie wasn’t really an option what with me leaving in a few years. So, I kept kissing Kimmy, and I guess…we’re dating now.
The only thing missing? That flippy feeling in the bottom of my stomach and Julie’s smile on the bleachers.
G.O.
33
Griffin
“Loving you was never a choice, it was a necessity for my soul, and it made me stronger.” – Rupi Kaur
Idon’t know how long we’ve been here already, only that the sun is barely holding on to the daylight, the night slowly pulling it behind the horizon. Time went by quickly while Julie was flipping page after page, reading each one of my fucked-up entries.
I hate them all. I hate what they represented. I hate that she saw me for the coward I was, but I don’t want to hide from her anymore. I want her to have all of me. She needs every fucked-up piece to decide if she wanted a future with me or no.
“I don’t think I can read all these other ones,” Julie said softly.
“Why?”
“Because you started dating Kimmy and I’d like to think I’m a better person than this, but it hurts. It hurts to relive those days, to remember watching the two of you all over town. Laughing. At me,” she adds quietly, and I instantly get up, cradling her face.
“What are you talking about? I never laughed at you! Never, Julie!”
“I know you’ve read my diary, so you know I overheard you two that one day.”
I’m shaking my head before she’s done with that sentence and reaching for one of the diaries on the table. It took me a while to find what she meant that day. And when I did, I was in hysterics, because she got it all wrong.
I flip it open and find the right day. “Here, read this.”
Not Dear Diary,
I’ve seen Julie today.
Damn it, I never thought this would be something of a novelty, but it is because she’s no longer everywhere I look. Ever since I started dating Kimmy, Julie disappeared.
She was still there, still around, but I was lucky if I was able to catch a small, fleeting glimpse of her these days.
Hell, I can’t even remember the last time I went over to Cal’s house because Kimmy and the other girls would always drag us someplace else.
But I saw Birdy today and it felt like I was punched in the gut. One of those that steal your breath. She’s even more beautiful. Even more herself and I spent all of three minutes talking to her but managed to get drunk on that feeling I get around her.
All too soon, she was gone, taking that weightless feeling along with her.
Kimmy was going on and on about something but don’t ask me what it was, I didn’t listen to a word she said. I could tell she was upset so I nodded along to appease her, but who the hell knows what pissed her off this time.
