Page 118 of Barefoot Dreams
All I could think about at that time was that Julie was barefoot, and I wanted to take off my shoes and stand barefoot with her.
I’m scared to think what you’d say to me if you could talk, honestly! Because no doubt you’d call me a stupid piece of chickenshit. You’d tell me I needed to break up with Kimmy at least a year ago and man up to ask Julie out.
And maybe you’re right. No, scratch that. I know you’re right!
I thought dating Kimmy would make me feel normal, but in these past two years, normal didn’t feel right. I felt even more lost, even more out of control so maybe it was time to try something else.
G.O.
“Griff…”
“A week later you started dating Shane, and the next day I signed up for Air Force. You don’t have to read anymore. I only wanted to give you a chance to see the real me before you have to make any choices.” I took the journal from her hands. “But justso you know, I never wrote about her. Only you. I kept writing about you.”
That whole sham of a relationship was one of the worst mistakes I ever made, making everyone miserable in the process. I didn’t like her, not like I was supposed to, and looking back, I don’t think Kimmy liked me for me either.
It was just cool to be seen with a football player back then. It was cute, us as a couple and she wanted that attention.
“What’s in the green one?” She nods toward the newer looking journal.
I clear my throat. “I lost all the journals I kept in the Air Force, and honestly, I didn’t think I wanted to continue them after I left it. My thoughts were too messed up to put them on paper. But then I saw you that first day and…and the urge to commit it—you—to my memory was too strong. So when I left your shop, I stopped by Fifi’s and picked up the first decent-looking journal my eyes landed on. It wasn’t until I got home that I saw the inside of it.”
“Why? What’s on the inside?”
I groaned. “Inappropriate quotes on every damn page.” A melodic laugh slips past her sweet lips and my own lips curl up into a small smile. “Yeah, yeah, I should’ve known better that nothing is as simple here.”
“But you kept it.”
“I did. I had too many thoughts to go out looking for another journal.”
Julie’s laugh slowly dies off and then we just sit there in complete silence broken only by the crashing waves down below.
“Will you tell me?” She nods to it. “Will you tell me what’s in there?”
I take a deep breath, laying my hands on her flat stomach and tracing random patterns around it. “There is a lot in there. Starting from the day I saw you again and felt like I’d beenpunched in the gut because I didn’t believe it was possible for you to be any more beautiful than you already were before. But the shock didn’t last too long because I had all these other feelings swirling around me.”
“Like?”
I look up, peering into her green eyes. “Like the fact that I’m so in love with you I can’t breathe when you’re not around. Like the fact that I thought I lost you again when I heard about you and Owen. Like the fact that I didn’t want anything or anyone but you. Only you, Julie. All day, every day for the rest of my life.”
Julie’s lips part. “You…you…love me? But you wanted to take things one day at a time.”
“That has nothing to do with how I feel about you.” I kiss her stomach gently before getting up. “Birdy, I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen and nothing has ever changed.” I cup her face, my forehead leaning against hers as her hands come up to lay on my wrists. “You were it for me before I knew whatitmeant. You were the only thing that ever felt right when everything else was such a mess. You are my light, my air, my dream. You are my home, little J. The one I’ve been searching for all these years.”
There’s a small sniffle piercing through the air. “Birdy, I fucking love you,” I whisper, kissing her lips, tasting the salt on them. “I’m only sorry it took me twenty-one years to admit it but no more. There won’t be another wasted day. Not one where I don’t let you know what you mean to me. Both of you. And I’ll live each of those days proving it to you, if you let me. If you’ll have me. Because this?” I lower one hand to our baby. “This is all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Oh, Griffin.” Julie’s hands twine around my neck as she climbs into my lap and kisses me through the tears and smiles. Through every emotion pouring out of both of us.
“I love you so much,” she breathes against my lips.
“Even though you now know about all of my fucked-up pieces?”
“We’re all a little fucked-up, Griffin. And that’s the beauty of it. That’s what makes you, you. I don’t love you because you’re this perfect person. I don’t love youbecauseof something. That’s not how love works. At least not mine. I love you for you. I love your rare smiles and the way you rub your neck when you’re nervous. I love how fast you make my heart beat. I love you just because you’re mine.” Her soft lips press against mine again. “The perfect body, hair, and your monster cock are just nice additions,” Julie throws out, and my head falls back with a bark of laughter.
Leave it to my girl to make the declaration of love extra special.
“A monster, huh?” I lick my lips.
“Duh, got me pregnant from the very first try.”
