Page 51 of Barefoot Dreams
“It’s okay, I know my coffee is not for everyone. It’s an acquired taste and not one to your liking,” I tell him, but it’s me who these words hit because I'm sure we're both aware we're not really talking about the coffee. At least, I do.
I aman acquired taste. I know that. I do know that.
Gathering myself together, I change the subject. “So, do you want to come over tonight? You should see how tall the lettuce is now.”
“Sorry, I can’t tonight.” He rubs his jaw.
“Tomorrow?”
“Nah, busy again.”
“Oh, well, maybe on Thursday?”
Griffin purses his lips, taking a second to respond. “I already have plans that day.”
Just then, a breeze carries over from the ocean, wrapping its chilly fingers around me and yet another realization hits me.
No matter what day…Griffin won’t be available.
He’s putting up a fence around his road, one I’ve tried to swerve onto.
I nod, swallowing a thick lump in my throat and put on the largest smile I could manage.You’ve got to work this time,I beg the smile.You have to give me strength to keep going.
“Well, okay then. Maybe one of these days.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Griffin answers quickly, too quickly for it to be true, and throws his thumb over his shoulder. “Sorry, I gotta get back to work.”
“Oh, no, I’m sorry for keeping you. Bye, Griffin.”
“Bye, Julie,” he says with finality and walks away without a second glance.
Something small and fragile breaks inside me.
Oh God, I did it again, haven’t I? I went and fell in love with my brother’s best friend all over again as if I didn’t know better. As if I wasn’t aware how far apart our roads were.
But the truth is, I don’t think I ever fell out of love with him. It was simply asleep, in hibernation, and now that he’s back, all those seeds I planted finally sprouted through the ground.
Unfortunately, once again, there’s no one to collect the harvest. No one to make those silly dreams a reality and without strong, loving hands to hold them, they’ve shattered.
I want to cry. I want to scream but that’s never done any good. Instead, I take my shoes off, take a right turn disappearing from sight, and using back streets I climb all the way up through thetown and outside its limits. I keep going until my raw feet feel the relief of soft, damp grass underneath them.
There I take a deep breath. The first one of many and keep going until I hit Jacob’s property. He bought a large stretch of land on the hill, overlooking the whole of Loverly Cave when he moved here, and not long after he dedicated an area for me to use as my garden.
I was running out of room at my parents’ place, and he was kind enough to offer me fresh, untouched terrain.
A minute later, when my garden comes into view, I fall to the ground, digging my fingers into the soil and only then do I let my tears fall.
Did I really think anything would change? Have I seriously allowed my dreams to come out of hiding?
I sit at one of my planter boxes and start plucking out the weeds. I guess Mom is right after all, knowing for sure is far better than keep playing the guessing game day after day, year after year. At least that way, the wounds could start healing instead of festering.
The sun is shining. The grass is green. Spring is knocking on our doors. My garden is thriving. I still have so much love in my heart.
There’s plenty to be thankful for. Plenty to look forward to. And I intend to do just that.
Another tear drops. And then one more and more and more. And I let them, this time.
“Julie bean?” Jacob’s voice sounds from across the garden.
