Page 49 of Fall of Us
“I don’t know why you say that. You’ve talked to me about everything.”
That was mostly true. If there was one thing, my parents were great communicators. I hadn’t even been afraid to tell them I was gay. They were the first to know the first time I had sex. They’d dealt with a lot for me and were beyond gracious about it.
“I just don’t know what to say. This is complicated.”
Mom’s fingers continued to sift through my hair, but she remained silent. Time ticked by and my eyes grew heavy as her digits kept up their ministrations.
“If you can’t talk to me about it, who would you feel comfortable with? Maybe Andrew?”
When I tensed up, my mother stopped petting my hair. “Unless Andrew is part of the problem. I thought he was moving in. Did something change?”
I sighed, sitting up and rubbing my face. My hands fumbled for my glasses off the box Mom had set them on and I placed them back on my face. When the room came back into focus, I gnawed at my bottom lip, debating how to explain things to her without giving everything away.
“He’s still moving in, that’s not the issue...”
“You’ve been in love with that boy for so long. I keep hoping that you’ll tell me you two are seeing each other, but it never happens.”
I laughed. My mother was always so observant, and she knew. She’d always known.
“I don’t think dating Andrew is the answer to my problems.” It was. I just needed to be honest about it. This hiding thing was becoming impossible, and I’d just been an idiot for getting upset that he’d told someone.
Mom straightened her skirt as she got more comfortable on the floor next to me. She crossed her arms over her chest as she studied me up and down.
“What seems to be the problem, then?”
She wouldn’t let me get away without telling her something. It had been a mistake coming here.
“Have you ever had someone break a promise? Even if it was a stupid small one?”
Mom sighed and wrapped an arm around me, relaxing her position. I settled into her side, seeking comfort in the woman who’d given me life.
“People break promises all the time. It’s why I try not to make ones I know I can’t keep. What type of promise did someone break?”
My face heated as I worked out how to tell her without giving it all away.
“I think I asked someone to do the impossible. To keep a secret.”
“And how dangerous was the secret?”
I rolled my eyes, sitting up to look at her. It was such a motherly thing to say.
“It wasn’t dangerous, just personal.”
Mom was quiet for a moment, her long fingers drawing patterns on my shoulder. I breathed her in while she formulated her response.
“My best advice? Don’t tell people secrets you wouldn’t eventually want to get out. People will always find out.”
Her words hung heavy in the air. Was it inevitable that Andrew and I could never keep our relationship a secret? I’d only wanted to treasure him, keep him to myself for as long as possible. Maybe I was doing more damage than good.
“You’re right.” I sighed, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I needed to hear that. Thank you.”
She smiled brightly before ruffling my hair like I was still a little kid. I made a disgruntled face at her as we both stood up. “I’m always right. When will you learn that your mother gives the best advice?”
A laugh bubbled from my chest as I leaned in to give her a hug. “I came here, didn’t I?”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Now, maybe go talk to Andrew. That boy needs to be forgiven. If I know him; he didn’t mean any harm.”
That heat was back in my face, spreading down my neck.
