Page 57 of City of Secrets and Shadows
“Did you?”
“Come on, Septimus.” He refilled both our mugs. “You two have been dancing around each other for years. The tension was obvious to everyone except, apparently, the two of you.”
I shrugged, affecting nonchalance. “It’s a practical arrangement. She needs release, and I’m there.”
“Is that what you tell yourself?” Marcus laughed, but there was an edge to it. “That you’re just providing a service?”
“What would you have me say?” I retorted. “That I’ve wanted her since we were young? That I worship the ground she walks on?”
“Have you? Do you?”
I drank deeply rather than answer, the sour beer burning a path down my throat.
Marcus leaned forward, his voice dropping. “I was there too, remember? When she would watch you in the practice yard, making excuses to linger. When you would position yourself to always be in her line of sight. You both thought you were so subtle.”
“It didn’t matter what either of us wanted,” I said flatly.
“And why is that?”
I met his gaze, and sighed. “Her brother was my best friend. The day he died, he made me swear to protect her. I’ve been looking out for her ever since.”
Marcus’s expression softened. “You think bedding his sister dishonours that vow?”
“I think wanting her while promising to protect her creates complications I can’t afford.” I stabbed at a piece of meat with more force than necessary. “And now I’ve gone and done exactly what I swore I wouldn’t.”
“Yet here you are, still protecting her,” Marcus pointed out. “Still watching her back at the academy.”
“While watching her front at night,” I muttered, then winced at my own crudeness. “Gods, I didn’t mean—”
Marcus burst into laughter, loud enough to draw glances from nearby tables. “By Jupiter’s cock, Septimus, I’ve never known you to be so conflicted about bedding a woman. Especially one who clearly wants you as much as you want her.”
I shifted uncomfortably, my fingers tracing the rim of my mug. “You don’t mix duty with desire. Not if you want to do either properly.”
Marcus snorted. “That’s horseshit and you know it.”
“Is it?” I shot back. “I’ve seen what happens when men lose focus. In the arena, that gets you killed. With Livia…” I trailed off, the words catching in my throat.
“With Livia, what?” Marcus pressed, leaning forward.
“With Livia, the stakes are higher.” I met his gaze. “You’ve seen the enemies she’s made. The danger she courts. One moment of distraction could cost her everything.”
Marcus studied me, his dark eyes unreadable in the tavern’s dim light. Finally, he sighed. “And yet here you are, sharing her bed anyway.”
“Here I am,” I agreed, the admission hanging heavy between us.
The silence stretched, broken only by the raucous laughter from a nearby table where men were gambling with worn dice.The din of the tavern faded to a dull hum as my thoughts drifted back to last night. Livia’s chambers at the academy were sparse but private — a small mercy in our charade of servantand noble student. I hadn’t meant for it to happen. For years, I’d maintained the careful distance that duty required but I was a man not a god, and those years had finally worn down my resolve. I could still feel her skin beneath my fingertips, taste the salt of her neck. The way she’d whispered my name like a secret prayer.
Morning had brought shame, seeping in with the dawn light. Tarus had trusted me to protect his sister, not bed her. I’d sworn an oath to a dying man, my closest friend, and broken it in the most fundamental way. Yet beneath the shame lurked a certainty that terrified me more — I would return to her tonight, and every night she would have me. Whatever barriers I’d built had crumbled completely, and I lacked the strength to rebuild them. Perhaps I always had. Marcus drained his mug and poured another, his movements deliberate.
“I care for her too, you know,” I said quietly. “It’s not just about the fucking.”
“I know. My question is, where do I fit into all of this?”
Ah. There it was. “That’s up to Livia, isn’t it? I have no claim on her decisions.”
“Noble of you,” he said dryly.
“Practical,” I corrected. “She’s been with you before. I assume she’ll want to be with you again.”
