Page 59 of City of Secrets and Shadows
I took another drink, the memories rising like bile. “When the Emperor learned of these unauthorized negotiations, he made an example of Livia’s father. Imperial soldiers came and killed everyone — her father, mother, her brother.”
“She told me.”
I met his gaze evenly. “Did she also mention they killed everyone in the village too? Did she tell you how they piled the bodies in the centre of the village?”
“She did,” he said quietly.
“I lost my mother and two younger sisters,” I said, staring past him, not really seeing the room beyond. “My father had died of a wasting sickness two storms before and he’d told me it was my duty to look after them all. I failed them, and they were killed.”
“I’m sorry,” Marcus said quietly. “That’s a terrible loss.”
“Livia blames the soldiers, the Emperor.” I traced a knife mark on the table. “But if the Talfen hadn’t been there, tempting her father with their false promises of alliance, none of it would have happened. The Emperor was just doing what any ruler would do — protecting his borders from potential insurrection.”
Marcus frowned. “That’s a peculiar way to view it. The Emperor ordered your family’s execution, yet you blame the Talfen?”
“I blame her father’s naivety,” I corrected. “And yes, I blame the Talfen for exploiting it. They knew what would happen if the Emperor discovered their meetings. They didn’t care.”
“That’s quite an assumption.”
“Is it?” I challenged. “Look at the half-breed. He pretends loyalty to Livia, but how can we trust him? His people have warred with ours for centuries. Blood tells, Marcus. Always.”
Marcus was quiet for a long moment, turning his mug between his hands. Finally, he asked, “Does Livia know? About your family?”
“Some of it. Not all.”
“Does she know you don’t share her hatred of the Emperor? That you actually defend his actions?”
I stared down into my mug, considering his words. Sometimes I wonder if she knew how deep this divide between us runs — her burning hatred for the Emperor, my silent understanding of hisactions. Every time she speaks of vengeance, of making him pay for what happened to our village, I nod and agree while part of me believes he was simply enforcing the Empire’s laws. It’s the one betrayal I allow myself in my devotion to her. The one place where my loyalty falters, even as I would die for her without hesitation. Loving someone who seeks vengeance against a man you don’t truly blame — there’s a special kind of torment in that contradiction. But I’ve learned to bury it deep, beneath layers of duty and desire. What matters is keeping her alive, not aligning our beliefs.
I fixed him with a hard stare. “It doesn’t matter what I think of the Emperor. My loyalty is to Livia. I failed my family, I refuse to fail her. Where she goes, I go. What she wants, I help her achieve. It’s that simple.”
“Even if you disagree with her cause?”
“Even then.” I leaned back, crossing my arms. “I’ve spent my life fighting other men’s battles for other men’s causes. At least with Livia, I choose my service.”
Marcus nodded slowly, understanding. “We share that much, then. A desire to keep her safe, despite her best efforts to get herself killed.”
A reluctant smile tugged at my lips. “She does make it challenging, doesn’t she?”
“Gods, yes.” His own smile faded as he took another drink. “About Tarshi — what makes you so certain he harbours feelings for Livia? Beyond your general distrust of his kind.”
I scoffed. “It’s obvious to anyone with eyes. The way he watches her when he thinks no one is looking. How he positions himself near her in any room. His eagerness to please her, to earn her approval.”
“That could just be loyalty,” Marcus suggested.
“It’s more than that.” I leaned forward, my voice hardening. “I’ve seen how he tenses when I touch her. The jealousy in hiseyes when we speak intimately. He wants her. And it disgusts me.”
Marcus tilted his head, studying me. “Interesting. You almost sound... threatened.”
“By a half-breed?” I scoffed. “Hardly.”
“Then why does it bother you so much?”
I glared at him. “Because his presence endangers Livia. His feelings are a distraction, a weakness that could compromise our mission.”
“Hmm.” Marcus stroked his beard thoughtfully. “And what about Livia? Have you considered how she feels about him?”
“What do you mean?”
