Page 101 of In You
My heart isn't mine anymore. It belongs to these two beautiful girls, and I'll never be the same.
Seeing her staring quietly, I bring Tris back to her breasts, unwrapping the towel and moving Tamryn's robe to the side so she can have skin to skin time. I settle her carefully before reaching over to grab the little hat Tamryn crocheted for Tris, and gently pull it on her hair.
"Tamryn, you made a beautiful child," I say with my throat tight.
"It's Camilla," she whispers, staring down at our daughter with a look of wonder on her face. "And you’re right, Savior. She's so beautiful."
A shiver runs through me, but I know, even despite the alters, Tamryn will make a wonderful mother.
Two Weeks Later
After we get home and settle into a new routine, I watch Tamryn, enraptured more than worried at our circumstances. She really is the perfect mother. She's set Tris' bassinet in our room, and is the most loving, doting mother I've ever had the privilege of seeing. Though I want to caution her about spoiling our daughter, I really am not much better, if we're being honest.
Between the two of us, and the dogs, Tris is the most loved baby on the planet, I think.
Ringo's taken to sleeping next to her bassinet every night, and Tink curls up next to them at every feeding, resting her little nose on Tris' side.
One Thursday night I roll over in the middle of the night and feel Tamryn's side of the bed empty. I crack an eye open in the dimly lit room, seeing Tamryn standing next to the changing table. Tris waves her hands and legs in the air, cooing, but Tamryn is dead set on the task at hand, eerily quiet as she fusses over her.
"No,"Tamryn mutters, startling me. "Not like that. Too tight." She undoes the tabs on Tris' diaper and then redoes them. Then stares for a long while before shaking her head and grumbling, undoing the tabs then redoing them back up.
"Honey," I say gruffly, sitting up in bed. "Put baby girl down then come back to bed, you did it fine the first time. Don't worry, she's not acting agitated or anything."
She huffs a sigh, her eyes narrowing as she looks over her shoulder to me."It's not right."
"Camilla-"
"It's Tamryn,"she snaps in an irritated tone, making me frown.
Shit.
"I'm sorry, love." Getting up, I pad over to her and wrap my arms around her from behind. Nuzzling my lips into her neck, I rock her gently. "You're the best mom," I murmur, nibbling at her ticklish spot.
Instead of laughing like she normally does, she sighs and sags in my arms, and the first true tinge of worry wraps itself around my psyche and gives life to other concerns that have been lying dormant.
"Are you sure?" she asks in a small voice. “I-I don’t feel like it.”
Avoiding answering her question, I pick up Tris and keep Tamryn tucked under my arm as I lead us to the bassinet and lay Tris down carefully. "Come to bed, baby," I say, seeing her just staring at Tris with worry, wringing her hands. "It's okay, come to bed," I repeat.
She turns without another word and crawls in between the sheets with me. I pull her into my body, putting my lips to her shoulder and wrap my arms around her as tight as I can. She cries herself to sleep, and I lay there awake until the sun comes up. I get up before Tamryn and take care of Tris, assuring she’s fast asleep before I walk to the front of the house and then slip out the front to the shed where I make a phone call to Tamryn's psychiatrist.
"Hey, Caleb, how's it going?" Alexander Richardson answers, sounding chipper.
"Hello, Dr. Richardson. Well… I was hoping that you'd be able to come up here."
There's a weighty pause where I can just hear the judgement thick as molasses through the phone before he speaks. "Did something happen?"
I clear my throat, rubbing a hand down my face. "I don't….I don't know."
"Okay…" He trails off. "I can catch the next flight out." I hear his keyboard typing in the background, his voice sounding muffled as he tells his receptionist to cancel an afternoon appointment. "I got a direct flight, so I'll be landing at about two o 'clock your time."
"Thank you doctor," I say, my voice thick with worry.
God I hope I'm worrying for nothing...
We hang up, and I go back inside to make Tamryn breakfast, a moot effort because not even half an hour later she's freaked out over the bacon, and retires to the room with Tris without eating at all.
"Good news is she's not showing symptoms of postpartum depression," Alexander says, looking out towards the tree line. A muscle clenches in his jaw, and the blue in his eyes turn to ice as he turns his head to pin me with a stare. "But, Caleb, you need to be careful. I know I sound like a broken record, but-"
