Page 69 of In You
Inspired by the sight of the frost we've been waking up to every day, I've spent the morning trying to remember anything about what I did last Christmas, but I couldn't dredge up even one memory. I don't even know if Calvin and I had a tree or exchanged gifts.
Did I get to wear the red dress I picked out with my mom in the springtime right before she died? We'd bought it when we planned on going to the ballet a week before Christmas, and I remember Calvin saying he'd take me in memory of her. But as hard as I try, I can't fucking remember it. Hardlyanyof it.
Wait, I do remember we'd gotten into a big fight around that time. The vision of his hard voice, and him yelling at me tickles at my memory, but that's it. It goes dark once I have a taste.
It's obvious that Caleb has been through something vile. But he won't talk about it. I want to call him a hypocrite, and demand to know why the hell he's got me seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist when he won't even talk about his trauma. But he expects me to?
No. I'm done with men expecting things from me.
Ignoring the cold, I angrily slam through the screen door, leaving the dogs in the kitchen as I race across the frosty grass to the shed. I push through the door and my steps slow as I enter a giant space with wood floors, exposed beams, long work tables full of cabinets, and stacks of wood. Sawhorses line the walls, as well as tools of all kinds.
A cast iron fireplace is roaring in the back giving the place plenty of warmth and light. Caleb stands before an enormous table polishing a wooden door with a shiny brass knob. He doesn't even turn to look at me. I come up behind him, stopping above six feet shy as I attempt to rally myself so I don’t lose my nerve to confront him. But I’m worried for nothing; he doesn't even turn his head to acknowledge I'm behind him.
"Tamryn, I need space. Leave me alone."
Fuck that."I want you to fucking talk to me about it!" I say angrily, crossing my arms.
Caleb throws down the towel and then turns to rest his hips against the work table, folding his arms and leveling me with a hard stare. "Well then, you're going to be wanting for a long, long time, Tam. I wouldn't hold your breath."
I narrow my eyes, walking until I'm about three feet away and then tilting my head up. "If you won't talk to me about shit, then I'm not talking to you aboutanything.I refuse to give you mytrust without something in return. I've been there, done that, and I won't tolerate it anymore!"
A muscle ticks in his jaw, and wary eyes flicker over my face but I don't back down.
"Tam, stop pushing me."
"No." I lift my chin. "Maybe that's what the fuck's wrong with you. Whatever happened sits inside you fuckingfesteringand you refuse to talk about it. That's what happened to him!" I shout, my eyes welling up with tears. "He got so full of his bullshit that it leaked out and covered everything. Coveringme! Staining me!"
I suck in a sharp breath that almost chokes me, and the features in his face go tight as I unleash it all on him.
"Hefucking had daddy issues, and he used that to get close to me, and then he fucked me over with my trauma becausehewas traumatized.And I fucking refuse to let you do that to me! So,If I'm going to fucking heal, then so are you! Or so help me God Caleb, we're going to kill each other trying!" I stop, gasping, my heart trying to fly out of my chest. “I-I willkill you,Caleb.”
His eyes flash with something akin to curiosity as he cocks his head to the side. "Careful, sweetheart. Only one of us knows how it feels to take a life."
And it's not you.
The message in his eyes is clear without him saying it.
I snap, all my pent up emotion bubbling up out of me. All my worry and anxiety coming up like word vomit. Stomping towards him, I close the remaining distance between us and raise my fists.
"I hate you!"I scream at him, pounding my fists into his chest and pushing with all my might. He doesn't move an inch until I haul back and slap him across the face.
He turns his face back to me then steps forward, snatching me up by my upper arms so hard I lift completely off the ground. Asmy feet dangle, I stare at him defiantly, my lips pursed tight, my brow drawn low, and my eyes narrowed. I try to kick him, but he turns and sets me on the door he'd been polishing, and then flips me to my front.
I gasp, reaching an arm forward to crawl, but he yanks my shoes off and then my pants and underwear, before grabbing the bottle of oil off to the side, and then squirts it on my ass. His hand slaps my asscheek hard before rubbing the burn away. But before I can stay anything, his face is down there, and he's eating me from the back. Growling and sucking at me so hard my stomach clenches and a weak, whimpering moan escapes my lips.
My forehead hits the door as I wail helplessly as he sucks at my sensitive flesh.
"You hate me now?" he growls from between my legs, giving my clit a nip that sends me headfirst into an orgasm.
I scream, shocked, and fall over to my side, but he just yanks me back to my knees and licks me slowly into another one, making me take so long to orgasm I begin to rock on the door, shamelessly humping his face.
He drags his fingers through my juices and then slides one inside my ass.
"Calleeebbbb!" I whine.
"How about now?"
I shake my head.Oh god.
