Page 1 of If the Stars Align
I want you to know that I have always loved you.
The words are written in Bic blue ink, on lined paper freshly ripped out of my AP English notebook. Words that I’ve been dying to sayout loudfor years now…but I haven’t managed to yet. Turns out, it’s not so easy telling your best friend that you’ve been in love with him for as long as you can remember. Especially when that friend is Oliver Dexter, known to his myriad friends and admirers simply as “Dex,” whose popularity borders on celebrity in suburban Beachwood, Ohio, where we live. But even when we’re alone, I can’t seem to muster the courage to tell him how I feel. Every time I’ve tried, I get tongue-tied. I’m much better at expressing my thoughts in writing anyway. So a letter will have to do.
But my feelings for Dex aren’t the only secret I’ve been keeping. While my love letter burns a hole in the right back pocket of my jeans, hidden in the left pocket is an acceptancefrom UCLA. And if all goes according to plan tonight—if Dex tells me he feels the same way—we’ll go to college there together in the fall. He’ll study acting, and I’ll study creative writing.
No one knows I applied there, not even Dex, because I decided to surprise him. He’s the only person I’ve told about my dream of writing novels, romance novels in particular, and from the moment I confessed to him, he’s encouraged me to follow my passion. Unlike my workaholic mother, who would surely laugh in my face if I told her. As far as she knows, I’m dead set on studying pre-law at Northwestern. If Dexdoesreciprocate my feelings, it’ll be a full-on battle to get her on board with me going to UCLA. But I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.IfI get there. First, I have a love letter to deliver.
It’s opening night of the senior class play,Romeo & Juliet, and literally everyone and their mother is here. It’s true—even my own mom who, somewhat unbelievably, switched her hospital shift with another surgeon for probably the second time in her entire career so she could accompany me. Normally, I would have discouraged her from going to the trouble, but I figured it might not be a bad idea to have a trauma doctor on hand in case my declaration of love takes a catastrophic turn. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not feeling very well. The boxed macaroni I made my mom and me for dinner tonight feels like it’s sitting in my chest, and my hands are clammy, and my throat feels tight, and?—
I’m panicking.
I don’t know why I chose tonight of all nights to tell Dex I’m in love with him. Maybe it’s because everyone who’s here this evening is here to seehimstarring in the lead role. For the firsttime in our school’s history, tickets sold out in advance for every show. On my way into the auditorium earlier, I walked past a group of freshmen who were fangirling so hard they were literally crying. As if Dex weren’t already hot enough without any help from Shakespeare’s most swoonworthy hero, the anticipation of Dex asRomeoset off a chain reaction of hormone surges that spread across Beachwood like wildfire. Rumor has it, there are girls from other schools who snuck in tonight just to see him. And now everyone will know what I’ve known all along.
That Oliver Dexter is special.
And it’s not solely because he was blessed with movie-star good looks and the talent to match. It’s true—whenever we went to the mall as kids, talent scouts would hand Mrs. Dexter their business cards and ask if her son had done any acting or modeling. It’s because he’s smart. Sensitive. Thoughtful. He has the biggest heart. And he’s thebest friend anyone could ask for. I miss the days when it was just me and him playing in the treehouse in his backyard. He used to be all mine, but now he’s slipping through my fingers like the sand we built castles with when we were kids.
And I’m terrified.
The auditorium lights come up for intermission. That’s my cue.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I tell my mom as I’m already hastily stepping over her to get to the aisle, but she’s busy reading the program and only nods. I weave my way through throngs of students, and parents, and teachers, and—yup, those girls definitely donotgo to this school—and I finally make my way out of the auditorium.
Then, out of nowhere, someone comes barreling right into me.
“Hey, Sunny!” my friend Mia says, enveloping me in a very tight squeeze. She’s barely five feet tall, but curiously strong.
Once I get over the shock of her startling me, I heave a sigh of relief. After Dex, Mia is my closest friend, and I could really use a dose of her sweet, bubbly optimism right now. She’s like a walking advertisement for energy drinks, even though she’s never had a drop of caffeine in her life. I shudder to think what would happen if she did.
“I didn’t see you in the auditorium!” she continues, unwrapping her arms from around me. “Where are you sitting?”
“I’m actually here with my mom. We’re in the back row because she got tied up doing paperwork, so we were running late.” I roll my eyes. “It’s so typical—she took the day off from the hospital andstillmanaged to work twelve hours straight.”
Mia looks shocked. “No way, yourmomis here? I’d love to meet her! I mean—of course I’veseenher before, like from a distance…but I don’t think I’ve ever really talked to her, you know?”
It speaks volumes that one of my closest friends, whom I’ve known forseven years, has never had an actual conversation with my mom.
“Anyway—now I know why I couldn’t find you!” Mia goes on. “I figured you’d be in the front row with Dex’s parents.”
Under normal circumstances, I would be here with the Dexters—I practically grew up in their home, after all. A few weeks after I met Dex—known as “Ollie,” then—Mrs. Dexter offered to start picking me up from school so I could play at their house instead of waiting for my mom’s shift to end inthe company of my gray-haired nanny. Thanks to the Dexters, I got what I’d always wanted—what I’d always needed. A family.
And the fear of losing them paralyzes me. Which is why I’ve waited so long to tell Dex how I feel. Because not only do I stand to lose him—but his wonderful parents as well. It was too big a gamble to take before now, when they’ve played such an integral role in my life. But we’re collegebound and leaving Beachwood soon.
“Okay, well, I’m going to head back in! I can’t wait to see the rest of the show. Dex isamazing!” Mia squeals. “You coming?”
The blood rushes to my face. As close as Mia and I are, I’ve never confided in her about my feelings for Dex. In all these years, I’ve never told a soul and, as far as I know, there’s only one person who’s ever guessed—Asher Abadie, way back in middle school, at Laura Levine’s bat mitzvah party.
A transfer student, he was kind but awkward: the tallest kid in seventh grade by far, and thin as a rake, with wire-rim glasses that took up the bulk of his face. Asher said he’d noticed me stealing glances at Dex as girl after girl asked him to dance, and wanted to make sure I was alright. It was sweet, albeit mortifying. He wasn’t one for gossip, so I didn’t worry too much that he’d divulge my secret. But I can’t say I wasn’t relieved when his family moved again the following year.
Apart from astute Asher Abadie, no one else has confronted me. Miahashinted several times over the years that she thinks Dex and I would make a cute couple, but I’ve insisted I only see him as a friend. Mia has no poker face—it’s one of the things I love about her—and if she knew the truth,there’s no way she wouldn’t be weird around Dex.
And I can’t even fathom how she’d react if she knew that her straight-laced best friend secretly devours steamy novels, and dreams of being a romance writer instead of a lawyer. As student government president and valedictorian, I have a certain image to uphold.
I can’t say I don’t feel guilty, though. Mia tells me everything, which is what best friendsshoulddo, but even with her, I’m a closed book. The only person I feel truly comfortable with is Dex. It’s just different with him.
“I’m going to make a quick pit stop first,” I lie. “I’ll see you after the show and introduce you to my mom.”
“Perfect!” Mia says with a bounce in her step as she turns to walk away.
