Page 10 of If the Stars Align
I thought Sunny and I were soulmates. But clearly she wasn’t interested in me.
Still, when Lisa Tucker asked me to be her date to Mark Dunn’s party, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would have an effect on Sunny. She wouldn’t be there, anyway—Sunny was wise beyond her years and much too cool for a lot of these things. She would’ve much rather stayed home readingPride and Prejudicethan hang out with a bunch of kids at a roller rink. So I agreed to go with Lisa. But I didn’t have the first clue how to act on a date. I got sweaty from head to toe just thinking about it. So I got advice from my cousin Ben. That’s how Dex became a ladies’ man.
It was all a part of the act.
During our freshman year of high school, I took a dramaclass, and it came as no surprise to me that I did so well. My teacher, Ms. Mack, was floored by my ability to transform into a different person.Well, I’ve definitely had a lot of practice, I said to myself.
“You have what it takes to be a star, Dex,” she told me. “Would you consider pursuing acting? I have a close connection at UCLA, so keep that in mind down the road.”
It made sense. I’m a lot more comfortable living as Dex, so I applied to UCLA.
But here’s a secret I never shared—I actually applied to Northwestern too. I thought maybe, on the off chance that Sunny had feelings for me, we could end up going to the same school. I didn’t tell her, to save myself the embarrassment in case I didn’t get in. And, sure enough, that’s exactly what happened.
It put a whole lot in perspective for me. Just like I feared—I wasn’t good enough for Sunny. So even though I wanted to tell her how I felt, that goddamn rejection letter killed my confidence.
And when Jenna asked me to prom, I heard myself saying yes. We were messing around, just for fun. Our relationship wasn’t serious.
I still can’t believe we slept together.
And afterward, Jenna told me shelovesme. Other than prom, and hooking up at her house when her parents were out, we’ve never even been on a date. I had absolutely no clue how to respond. I started to panic. So I asked myself, what would Dex say? Then I looked in her eyes with a confident smile and told her, “I love you, too.”
But—fuck.Idon’tlove Jenna. My heart belongs to Sunny. And now I’ve messed everything up.
I don’t know how I’ll cope without her.
When the stars align, one day, we’ll be together.
It’s the only thought that brings me comfort.
I have to believe it if I’m gonna move forward.
…
The storm has passed. I lie down in bed, relieved but exhausted. In less than twelve hours, I’ll be leaving for LA. I close my eyes and try to sleep—I’ll sure as hell need it to keep up this act. If I can’t be with Sunny, I can’t be myself.
So starting tomorrow, there’s only Dex.
Mia’s freshman year ended weeks before mine, and she’s been bored out of her mind back home in Beachwood, so she offers to pick me up from the airport. I leave the freezing cold terminal and let the hot summer air melt the chill from my skin. I look up at the clear blue sky and enjoy the warmth of the sun on my hair. I have one year of college under my belt, and now I’m home. I’ve always loved summers in Beachwood. But summers in Beachwood were always synonymous with Dex. And it’s been months since I last talked to him.
Mia pulls up to the curb, and I do my best to ignore the anxiety that’s bubbling up inside me. “Sunny!” she squeals as soon as I get in the car. She gives me a huge (slightly painful) hug and, when she lets go, her eyes are wide. “I almost didn’t recognize you!”
I bite my lip and smile, aware that I look very different now than I did when we graduated from high school a year ago. I was a late bloomer, but it was worth the wait.
“You have the curves you always dreamed of!” Mia continues, awestruck. I laugh, remembering all the times I’d lamented to her about my flat chest. “And your hair looks gorgeous!”
“Thanks,” I say, my cheeks getting warmer by the second. I get a lot more attention these days than I did back in high school—but I’m still not used to it. “I made a friend in my dorm with similar hair, and she taught me how to style it.”
I guess that’s the one thing I do know about my biological father—I must have gotten my curls from him, because my mom’s hair is stick-straight. When I was a kid, she pulled my wild mane into a ponytail because she had no clue what else to do with it. I always felt like I stood out like a sore thumb in our small Midwestern suburb, where the standard of beauty can be boiled down to one lucky girl: Jenna Andersen. With her silky blonde hair and green eyes, she could be on the cover ofSeventeen. Meanwhile, I rarely see models who look like me: big brown eyes, olive skin, and chocolate-hued curls with a hint of auburn (my redheaded mother’s only contribution).
But thanks to my new friend at school, at least now my curls are frizz-free and cascade down my back in pretty ringlets. My roommate says I have “princess hair.” And for the first time in my life, I actually don’t hate it. I might even love it.
“Well, you lookhot!” Mia says as she pulls away from the curb. “Everyone’s going to be shocked when they see you at the party tonight.”
“What party?” I ask her, confused, as she changes lanes and starts to pick up speed.
“Oh—you probably haven’t checked your email yet. SethArden’s parents are out of town, and he invited everyone from our class to his house. You have to come! It’s going to be amazing,” Mia goes on, talking a mile a minute. “I’m sure Dex will be there. You must be so excited. When was the last time you guys saw each other?”
My heart lurches, and it isn’t only because Mia takes corners like a NASCAR driver. With one hand braced against the dashboard, I answer, “Not since Thanksgiving.”
