Page 109 of If the Stars Align
My palm flies to my gut, as though he really punched me.
“Fuckyou,” I say, my voice shaking.
I’ve never said those words to anyone.
I stand and walk to the other side of the room, putting as much distance between us as possible. “I was anemic…my periods stopped…I was barely a hundred pounds.” My eyes fill with tears. “But…that’s what you want, isn’t it? You want me to be small. You want me to be meek. You belittle me, and criticize me when I don’t live up to your expectations…youpreyon my insecurities, so you cancontrolme?—”
“You’re fucking crazy, you know that?”
“And now you’re gaslighting me! I can’t believe I didn’t see it before…”
“See what?” he says, lunging toward me. My back is to the wall and he’s an inch away from my face.
“You’re a goddamn narcissist,” I tell him, my chest heaving against his. “I’m just grateful you showed me who you really are beforeI married you.”
I take off my enormous diamond ring and put it on top of the dresser beside me. His icy gaze follows my hand, then works its way back to my face.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he hisses.
“You never lovedme, Jeremy. You loved the fantasy of being with this straight-haired, stick-thin, high-powered litigator in designer clothes, because it fed your ego. But that’s not the real me. I will never live up to your fantasy—nor do I want to.”
“You really think you’re going to leave me?” He grinds his teeth. “You have nowhere to go, Sunny. No friends. Who took you to go pick out your wedding dress, huh?Me. Who do you spend every fucking minute of your life with?Me.You havenothingwithout me.”
Shit. He’s not wrong. I’ve been living in Chicago nearly three years and don’t have a single friend here. I’ll have to go to a hotel tonight.
“Was that part of your grand plan too?” I ask him. “To isolate me so I had no one to run to when I saw your true colors? Or to keep me away from anyone who could help me see what a fucking asshole you are?”
I look into his cold, hard eyes, and I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. There’s no trace of anything familiar on his face. He isn’t Jekyll, or Hyde—or even Jeremy. The man I thought I knew is gone.
I shiver when he leans in to whisper in my ear. “I’ve got news for you, Sunny. I hope you’re not thinking of running back to Mr. Hollywood, because you’re going to be shit out of luck if youdo…”
Then he says something so lewd, so vile…I want to wipe my memory clean of it. But the gist of it was this—first, he tried to humiliate me by body-shaming me. Then he reminded me that Dex can have any woman he wants, including Ava Elwood. And I’d be lucky if he gave me the time of day anymore, much less touch me ever again.
I want to slap him.
But I don’t—because he’ll enjoy it. He’ll love the fact that he got under my skin, and it’ll only make that smug grin of his even wider.
So I finish this chapter of my life with the truth instead. “I’m not leaving you for Dex,” I say calmly. “I’m leaving you formyself. Because I deserve so much better.”
A giant weight lifts off my shoulders as I push past him and throw some of my things into a duffel.
I don’t acknowledge him when he yells at me.
I don’t respond when he changes his tune and begs me to forgive him.
I pack what I need as quickly as I can.
I tell him I’ll send someone to pick up the rest.
And then I leave.
My palms are sweaty against the steering wheel as I make a left turn past Beachwood High School. The closer I get to my destination, the more jittery I feel.
Maybe I should have gone to my mom’s place first. But she and Luis are both at work, so I made other plans. There’s a conversation I need to have that’s been a long time coming, and I don’t want to avoid it anymore.
Although now, as I pull into the driveway of this house I haven’t been to in years, I’m kicking myself for not stopping to shower or change my outfit. I just drove over five hours from Chicago, after all.
I hope I don’t smell.
