Page 111 of If the Stars Align
The next morning, I wake up to the smell of coffee brewing. I open my suitcase, grab the sundress sitting on top of my stack of clothes, and throw it on. Then I head downstairs to the kitchen and find my mom sitting at the table in her robe.
When she sees me walking in, she smiles.
All in all, my mom handled the news of my called-off wedding a lot better than I expected her to. Once I explained what Jeremy was really like behind closed doors, she actually cried. It’s not often my mom shows her vulnerable side. But she’s changed quite a bit since starting therapy.
It took about a year for her to book a session after she firstmentioned it. I’d completely given up hope. But this past March, she finally got a referral from her doctor and started going weekly. It was perfect timing, seeing as I’d just broken up with my fiancé and decided to change careers.
My mom still wasn’t thrilled when I told her about the MFA program. Maybe no amount of therapy will get her there. At least she knows better now than to try to talk me out of it. She even offered to help me financially, but I told her I didn’t need her to.
Overall, our relationship is much-improved—and I’m grateful for it.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, tilting her head as I sit down with my coffee.
“Not too bad, considering today was supposed to be my wedding day.”
My mom looks down at her cup. “Sweetheart, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you.” She bites her lip. “It’s…about Dex.”
My heart leaps into my throat. “Dex? What about Dex?” I can barely croak out the words.
I haven’t talked to him in months. I have no idea what he’s been up to since the Oscars. I haven’t heard any rumblings about a new film. Haven’t seen any paparazzi photos of him with models, or actresses. He could be engaged—or married—for all I know.
Isthatwhat my mom wants to tell me?Oh god.I hold my breath.
“I was never supportive of your relationship with him, Sunny…and I want to explain why. I’ve been working on this with my therapist, but it’s still so hard to admit. You see…Dex reminded me of your father. In many ways.” She pauses and meets my gaze. “Is it okay if I tell you more?”
My pulse quickens, but I nod.
My mom takes a deep breath before beginning. “Your father was charming. Devastatingly handsome. He had a brilliant smile too, just like a movie star. He was an airline pilot, and I met him on a flight to Rome. You know how I loved to travel before you were born. Well, the moment I laid eyes on him, Sunny…I was a goner. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I asked him out for a drink after we landed. And it was…instant chemistry, just like you and Dex.”
She sighs. “But he was never around, Sunny. He was always busy, flying across the world. He didn’t want to settle down. Never wanted a family. He only wanted to travel and have fun. So that’s what we did. I’d meet him in Paris for a weekend, or London. It wasthrilling, and romantic, and—I couldn’t help myself—I fell head over heels for him. And, well…you know what happens next. I never imagined I’d get pregnant. But I also never imagined he wouldn’t want anything to do with me afterward.”
She pauses to wipe her eyes as I blink back my own tears.
“When I saw you falling in love with Dex—I saw myself, sweetheart. And I was scared.Terrified.I would have done anything to spare you from falling in love with a man who would sweep you off your feet with his dazzling smile and exciting life, then leave you.”
She looks at me, her cheeks flushed with shame. “I said awful things to you about Dex. But that’s not all of it. I…”
“What, Mom?”
“The morning after his cousin’s wedding, Dex came hereto talk to you. He said you’d had a misunderstanding, and he wanted to explain. And…I wouldn’t allow it. I sent him away.”
My hand gravitates to my aching heart.
My first instinct is to sob. To yell. To tell my mom I’ll never forgive her.
To ask her if she knows how much pain her meddling caused me.
But…what’s the point?
That was eight years ago. Dex and I got back together two years later, and we broke up again anyway.
Ibroke up with him. BecauseIthought I wasn’t good enough.
Even if my mom had never meddled…the outcome would have been the same.
I just…I can’t believe…
“He never told me,” I say. “I was so mad at him because I thought he didn’t fight for me. And he never said it was because you stopped him.”
