Page 112 of If the Stars Align
My mom shakes her head, crying. “He’s a far better person than I am, Sunny. A far better man than I ever gave him credit for. And not only that…” She exhales deeply. “His Oscar speech? It inspired me. He’s the reason I finally went to therapy.”
I take in a ragged breath. “His speech gave me the courage to break up with Jeremy.”
My mom brings her palms to her cheeks. “Oh Sunny, I feel awful. I drove you away from Dex and into the arms of a narcissist. Is there anything I can do to fix this? I haven’t seen the Dexters in years, but I could call them if you want me to.”
I laugh through my tears. “I think you’ve done quite enoughalready, Mom.”
She laughs first, then sobs. “I’m so sorry, Sunny. I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”
“I don’t hate you, Mom. And you’renota bad person. You lost your parents when you were seventeen. You had no other family. And when you finally fell in love, he left you pregnant and alone. You suffered a lot of trauma—of courseit affected you. I’m just happy you’re getting help now.”
My mom gets up from her chair and kneels down to hug me, then says in my ear, “I hope things work out between you and Dex, sweetie. I was blind to it before—but you really do belong together.”
My smile is wistful. “I guess that remains to be seen.” When I push my chair back, we both stand. “I’m going to go for a drive to clear my head,” I tell her.
After one more hug, my mom releases me. I grab my keys and head outside.
Then I drive. Just like the times Dex used to pick me up in his dad’s car, and I’d loop around Beachwood with no agenda, deciding where to turn on a whim.
So much has changed since then and yet—here I am—still driving in circles around my hometown, longing for him.
Loving him with every piece of my heart and soul.
If he were in this car right now, what would I say?
I glance at the passenger seat, half-expecting to see him.
Like that weekend in New York, I’m haunted by his ghost again. Every time I stop at a red light and look out my window, he’s there.
Outside the elementary school where we met in kindergarten.
In line to buy movie tickets at the theater we used to go to.
At the park where we almost kissed in the rain.
I guess this ride isn’t so aimless after all.
If it wasn’t clear before, it’s clear to me now.
I need to talk to Dex.
To get things off my chest, the way I did with Mia.
But when? And how? I’d prefer to speak in person, but I have no idea where he is.
I guess I could ask his parents.
Seeing as I’m parked in front of their house.
I turn into their driveway.
The lights are off. The house is quiet. It doesn’t look like anyone’s here. I get out of my car anyway.
Then I sit on the Dexters’ porch swing. And I cry.
I cry because, after all these years, and after everything I’ve been through, this house still feels more like home to me than anywhere I’ve ever actuallylived. And I know exactly why. It’s because Oliver Dexter is my home. But as luck would have it, I don’t know when I’ll ever see him again.
When the Dexters get back, I’ll ask them where he is—and I’ll fly there. I’ll meet him in LA, or New York. I’ll travel across the world if I have to.
