Page 15 of If the Stars Align
“Yeah, well, shit happens,” he says, followed by a lengthy exhale. “I’m gonna go.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Okay.”
“Have a nice summer, Sunny.”
It sounds more like,Have a nice life.
I choke back more tears. “You too, Chris,” I say before I hang up.
I’m sobbing now. And I know it’s not because Chris and I just broke up.
It’s because I’ve spent the last three hundred days with a heartache that I’ve been trying so hard, and apparently unsuccessfully, to hide.
It’s because I’ve missed Oliver Dexter so much I can hardly breathe. Like I’ve been missing a part of me I need so I can feel...likeme.
I’ve been so many different versions of Sunny since I started at Northwestern. All I want is to feel likemyselfagain.
And I’m never more myself than when I’m with Dex. I know that sounds woefully co-dependent. But I can’t help it. Maybe this is what happens when you fall for the guy who’s been yourbest friend since kindergarten.
When my tears slow down to a trickle, I wipe my eyes and scroll through emails on my laptop. I stop when I find Seth Arden’s party invitation.
And that’s when I call Mia.
Mia parks across the street from the Ardens’ house, which is practically vibrating with the booming bass of the hip hop songs we listened to in middle school. The anticipation of seeing Dex is nerve-wracking enough on its own, but add in the thumping throwback tunes and the drunk jocks on the porch howling at the moon, and now I’m a total wreck. I flip down the sun visor and check my reflection in the mirror to make sure I haven’t reverted back to thirteen-year-old Sunny.
I was pretty quiet on the car ride over, but hopefully Mia chalked it up to the fact that I’d just been dumped. I didn’t want to tell her. It was so embarrassing to admit, mere hours after I’d told her about Chris. But I didn’t want her mentioning to anyone at the party that I’m in a relationship.
I don’t have the audacity to expect that anything will happen between me and Dex tonight. I’ll be happy just to know he’s still my friend.
But I’d like to keep my options open.
Of course I didn’t tell Mia that Chris broke up with mebecause I have feelings for Dex. I told her he dumped me for Kim from down the hall. It’s not far-fetched. I’ll bet anything they’ll be hooking up before long.
“You okay, Sunny?” Mia asks me. That’s when I realize I’ve just been staring across the street.
I paste on a hopefully convincing smile. “It’s been a long day, but I’m fine.”
Mia nods and gazes down at her lap for several seconds. “Look, Sunny,” she says when her eyes are back on me. “I probably shouldn’t even bring this up…I know you and Chrisjustbroke up, but…”
She hesitates again. Mia never hesitates. It’s making me nervous.
“What, Mia?” I ask with more urgency in my voice than I intended.
“Well—why theheckdid you and Dex never date in high school?” she blurts out.
I scoff. “Me and Dex? What are you?—”
“Oh come on, Sunny. You’re perfect for each other. You can pretend all you want, but I’m done biting my tongue. I can tell the two of you are in love.”
I’m stunned. “Are you saying…do youreallythink Dex has feelings for me?”
Mia smiles. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching. It’s just like me and Evan. I know true love when I see it. And you act like you couldn’t care less who he’s dating but, when he slow danced with Jenna on prom night…you cried.”
I suck in a breath. “How didyou?—”
Mia bites her lip. “I followed you into the bathroom. I heard you sobbing in a stall. And I honestly didn’t know whether you’d want me to help you. I mean, you’re my best friend, Sunny, but sometimes I feel like I hardly know you. It even took months for you to tell me you had a boyfriend!”
She’s right. I avoided telling her about Chris because I was afraid she’d call me out. She’d ask me, “What about Dex?” and the image I’ve been trying so hard to uphold would fall apart. I can feel it happening now.
