Page 20 of If the Stars Align
I hear a high-pitched squeal followed by a clattering sound and some static. “Sorry, I dropped the phone,” Mia says so fast, it almost sounds like one word. “Sohemade the first move, right? I told you he’s in love with you! Did you guys talk? Did you tell him how you feel about him? How did this happen?”
I start answering her questions before she hyperventilates. “He told me he was giving me space because I had a boyfriend. And I told him it was over between me and Chris, and then…we just talked. Not about feelings, specifically. We caught up. But things felt different between us. The way he was looking at me…I knew he wanted to kiss me.”
Rip off my clothes and ravage me. It was like a scene out of one of my favorite romance novels.
Mia heaves an enormous sigh. “This issoexciting. So you guys are, like, together now? Dating?”
I shrug. “I mean, it’s only been a day. I don’t think we need to put a label on it yet.” My heart rate picks up.
Mia giggles. “No, of course not. I’m getting ahead of myself. You know me! So, was it just a kiss? Or more? You don’t have to tell me. Unless you want to!”
“We…made out,” I say. “A lot.”
I’m proud of myself for confiding in Mia, but I also don’t feel the need to give her every detail.
Mia inhales like she’s trying very hard not to spontaneously combust. “Okay,” she says as she breathes out. “I won’t tell anyone, I promise. Not even Evan. Not until you’re ready. But when you are, let me know. We can plan a double date! Can you imagine? Oh my god, so fun! Okay, I’ll stop now.”
She’s getting ahead of herself again, but the idea of me and Dex hanging out with Mia and Evan as a pair of couples makes me giddy. I used to daydream about that in high school. And now, just maybe, my dreams are coming true.
“Goodnight, Mia,” I say, still grinning.
It’s the best summer of my life. Me and Dex, and lazy afternoons on the beach, the smell of Banana Boat sunscreen baked into our skin. Air-conditioned matinées on scorching hot days, followed by long walks with ice cream. In the evenings we have dinner with his parents, just like we always did. And it’s even sweeter this time, because I’d been so afraid of losing them too—when I thought that I’d lost him. But all is right with the world. I’m part of their family again.
We play a lot and work very little—me babysitting sporadically for my neighbor’s twins, and Dex teaching swim lessons a few times a week at the community center. If Mia and Evan were in town, I’m sure we’d be hanging out with them too. But Evan’s aunt and uncle encouraged him to stay at their home in Hong Kong for the entire summer, and they were kind enough to invite Mia to join him. I miss her, but I’m definitely enjoyingall this time alone with Dex. On our free days, while his parents are at work, we spend hours and hours in his bed.
But soon, this blissful summer will come to an end. And although Dex and I have had sex countless times (I lost track after twenty, and that was only two weeks in), neither of us has initiated a conversation about actual feelings, much less defining our relationship. Is Dex my boyfriend? I have no idea. And what happens when we go back to college in a couple of weeks? I don’t know the answer to that either. I’m not sure I want to.
Because, deep down, this all feels too good to be true. And I don’t want to rock the boat, so I decide to leave well enough alone. I choose uncertainty because, if I ask Dex for answers, I run the risk of losing him.
But as the summer dwindles, I find it harder to keep my angst at bay.
It's a rainy Monday morning, and Dex is teaching swim lessons, so I take slow sips of coffee at the kitchen table and poke at my cereal while wondering how I’ll make it through another school year without him. Just when I’m starting to spiral, I hear my mom come in through the front door. She sighs as she makes her way into the kitchen.
“Hey, Mom. You’re home…early? Or late maybe?”
“Late,” she says while stifling a yawn. “Ruptured spleen. He’s fine now, although it was touch and go there for a while, because?—”
“I’m glad he’s okay,” I chime in quickly before she gives me the gory details. Sometimes when my mom’s especially tired, she forgets that I can only handle the CliffsNotes version of herworkday. And right now, she looks exhausted. But instead of heading upstairs to lie down, she grabs a yogurt from the fridge and sits across from me. It’s such a rare occasion when we eat breakfast together, it feels completely unnatural. We take a few bites in silence, and I glance over at the clock on the stove, willing time to speed up so I can be back in Dex’s arms, where I belong.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” my mom asks as she haphazardly stirs her yogurt. “You seem pensive.”
I shrug as though I have no clue what she’s talking about, then shake my head. “I’m fine.”
My mom stirs a bit more determinedly, even though the fruit on the bottom of her cup of yogurt is clearly well-distributed at this point. “I hear that you and Dex have been spending a lot of time together this summer,” she says without looking up at me, which is a very good thing because, if shewereto look at me, she’d know right away that I’m in acute distress. Flushed cheeks, shallow breathing, beads of sweat on my brow. Her specialty is trauma—these are the kinds of things she notices.
I take a deep breath and try my hardest not to sound panicked. “How would you happen to know that, Mom? You’ve barely been home the entire summer,” I say, keeping my eyes on the soggy flakes swimming in my bowl.
I hear my mom exhale. “I ran into John Dexter at the hospital the other day. He was visiting a colleague. He told me they’ve been seeing a lot of you at their house lately. Just like old times.” When I look up, her bloodshot eyes are fixed on me. “He’s thrilled, of course.”
I can’t help but smile despite the weighty displeasure that’scausing my mom’s brow to furrow and the corners of her mouth to turn down. “Well, I love spending time with them. You know that.”
“Hmm,” my mom grumbles as she stabs at that poor, defenseless cup of yogurt. “I just want to make sure you’re focusing on what’s important. Getting into Northwestern Law won’t be easy, Sunny. You need to keep your eyes on the prize. Maybe there are some books you can read to get a head start for next year.”
I let out a heaving sigh. “Mom, I honestly don’t know what you’re worried about. I worked really hard last year and got As in all my classes. My eyesareon the prize. But it’s summer, and if I don’t take a break from studying, I’ll burn out. And as far as Dex goes…we’re catching up. That’s all.”
I try hard to sound nonchalant but, on the inside, I’m freaking out. My mom’s been at work since yesterday evening, right? Is there any way she could have found out that Dex drove us to our high school last night, and we snuck in through the back door of the gym? That we ended up havingsexin our library’s small (but stellar) poetry section? He was reading me his favorite Neruda poem…and it was the way he looked at me when he said “sunbeam” that did me in.
I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she could possibly know that. Is there?
