Page 31 of If the Stars Align
“I was in here earlier with the other groomsmen. The door locks,” Dex says with a mischievous grin, and he gives the knob a quick turn left and right to double-check.
Then he walks toward me and slides his hands down my waist, pulling me close to him. I see something move out of the corner of my eye so I turn to look, but it’s just our reflection in a mirror hanging on the wall. In the moonlight, my dress lookswhite. My breath catches in my throat.
Dex starts kissing my neck, because he knows I love that, and I close my eyes. His lips feel so nice on my skin. It’s been ten days since he’s kissed me like this. We were in the back row of an empty movie theater. We didn’t watch one minute of the film. All I wanted that night was to go home with him. To spend the night in his bed and wake up in his arms.
Instead, we left the theater and had very cramped sex in my car.
I need more than that.
But I also need Dex to make this all go away—my doubts, my fears, and every wretched word that came out of that mean girl’s mouth.
So I cave. I let my clutch fall from my fingers, and I grab his shirt collar and kiss him like my life depends on it. He throws his jacket onto the messy heap on the floor, then sweeps me off my feet—yes, like a groom carries his bride across the threshold, he takes me to the black leather couch beneath the windows and lays me down.
“I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” he says as he kisses his way down my plunging neckline. I arch my body, the whisper of his lips drawing me closer and closer to him. He grips my ass and settles his hips between my thighs. He’s wasting no time. I can feel him hard against me. I wrap my legs tightly around him. Hot blood pulses through my veins, desire rushes to the deepest part of me. Desire so thick it creeps into my chest and makes it hard for me to breathe. A longing so fierce it stings my eyes with burning tears. All I want is for Dex to make my pain go away?—
But not like this. Not anymore. This is all I ever get from him.
He runs his hand up my thigh. His fingers find their way inside me.
I tense. He notices. He stops.
“Did I hurt you?” he asks me, concerned.
But I can’t answer his question. “I don’t think I can do this anymore,” I say, the words so bitter I nearly choke on them. I sit up, my heart racing.
“What?” he asks, now seated beside me. He looks at me, confused.
“I don’t think I candothis anymore.” I stand. Tears spill from my eyes onto the silver threads of my dress. “The stolen kisses, the sneaking around?—”
“Sunny, what are you talking about?” he says to me, stunned. “I thought we were having fun?—”
“It was fun at the start, but it’s not enough.”
The mean girl was right. I’m not Dex’s girlfriend.
He’s hiding me. I’m his dirty little secret.
“What we have isn’t real,” I cry. “I’ve spent this entire year counting the days until summer. Counting the days until we could be together again. And now summer’s almost over, and I feel like I only had you in bits and pieces. That’s all I ever get. Just bits and pieces of you, Dex.”
It’s like I’m floating somewhere, outside myself. An out-of-body experience.
I watch as Dex just sits there in silence. Maybehe’sthe one who’s left his body.
I honestly don’t know if he heard what I said. “Where did you go? Please, Dex…say something!”
He continues staring straight ahead. Then he nods and says, “I understand.”
A dreadful sob escapes my chest, and I clutch my broken heart, trying to hold in the rest. I grab my purse and go for the doorknob, but it’s locked. I forgot. I fumble to get it open, my tears getting in the way. I run down the hall to the restroom again and hide in the first empty stall I find. I cry silently until every muscle in my body aches. Until three separate groups of laughing ladies have come in and out. Then I open the stall door and make my way to the mirror.
I look at my décolletage, my fingers brushing the line where Dex just kissed me, and my tears threaten to fall again. I splash my face with cool water. I grab a paper towel and wipe the rogue mascara from underneath my eyes. Then I re-apply my lipstick and fix my hair. I’m starting to look like myself again.
Or is itmyselfI’m trying to hide?
I can see her so clearly when my eyes are closed. A little girl in a yellow dress. Tear-streaked cheeks. Heart ripped in half.
Just as I turn to leave, Dex’s mom walks through the door.
“Oh Sunny, we’ve been looking for you guys! I think we’re going to head home in twenty minutes or so. Is that okay with you kids?”
