Page 35 of If the Stars Align
Mia tilts her head. “I was thinking something fitted, that doesn’t swallow me up.”
“I agree,” I say with a smile as I envision my beautiful friend walking down the aisle. Maybe this won’t be so hard for me after all. Once Mia starts trying on gowns, it might actually be fun. I start browsing through a rack beside me. “What about this one?” I ask, pulling back a dress for her to see.
“Are you sure you’re okay to do this?” Mia asks the minute I let my guard down. She looks so worried about me. Her hazel eyes are laced with pity.
“Believe me, I’m fine,” I lie. “I knew things wouldn’t work out with Dex. It’s hard being long-distance. We’re probably both a lot better off.”
Ugh. Is there a bathroom in here? I feel like I might throw up.
Mia eyes me skeptically. “Have you talked to him at all since the wedding?”
I shrug. “There’s nothing to say.”
“Sunny, what if this is all some big misunderstanding? Don’t you think you should at least call Dex before you go back toEvanston? I remember this one time, Evan and I?—”
She’s always comparing our relationships. I reallywish she would stop.
Thankfully, the store clerk joins us and cuts her off. “So, which one of you is the lucky lady getting married?” she asks.
Mia turns redder than her sports car.
“Sheis,” I say, nodding toward her.
“Wonderful!” the clerk says, clapping. “Follow me to the back of the shop. Our petite collection is small, and it’s selling out!”
Mia turns to look at me. “We really don’t have to do this today, Sunny.”
“Mia, I want to. You’re my best friend. I can be happy for you and sad about Dex. Yes, it sucks that we broke up. But I’ll be going back to school soon, and partying with my friends, and I’ll forget all about him.”I need to quit while I’m ahead.“Now let’s find you the world’s most perfect petite wedding dress!”
Mia laughs. I make sure I’m smiling as we head to the petite section.
Back at school a few weeks later, I tell Sam every heartbreaking detail I was too embarrassed to share with Mia. And Sam doesnotmince words.
“Well, fuck him!” she declares emphatically.
I look up at her, my eyebrows raised over the enormous mug of ashwagandha tea she made to help me “mellow out.” We’re seated on the couch in her new off-campus apartment, whichis very bohemian chic, just like Sam. There are lush plants and spice-scented candles peppering the living room, a gorgeous Middle Eastern tapestry on the wall, and an expensive-looking Moroccan leather pouf that she insists I can rest my feet on. The room smells of incense—and maybe just a hint of weed. I don’t smoke but, regardless, it’s the perfect sanctuary.
“Well, don’t actuallyfuckhim. You know what I mean—just let him go,” Sam clarifies before modeling a full inhale and a long exhale in a sweet attempt to help me.
I manage a shallow inhale followed by a dramatic sigh, and she continues. “I know it’s hard. But you’ll get over him. You deserve so much better,” she says, squeezing my hand.
My eyes fill with tears. “Thereisn’tanyone better for me than him, Sam. And I messed everything up. Instead of having a mature conversation with him about our relationship, I panicked. I let my insecurities get in the way and sabotaged the best thing I’ve ever had.” I take in a deeper breath this time and exhale slowly.
Maybe Mia was right. I need to talk to Dex.
“I should call him,” I tell Sam. “This is all my fault, and if I’d just been honest with him about how I feel?—”
I can tell by the way she’s wincing that I don’t need to finish my sentence. “Sunny, you told him you needed more than casual sex, and all he said was, ‘I understand.’ I mean, that’s barely even a response!”
“I know how it sounds,” I say wiping my eyes. “But Dex wasn’t acting like himself when he said that. It actually worried me. I mean, I’ve known him my whole life, and I’veneverseen him act that way. He was so distant, so withdrawn. It felt likehe was…dissociating.”
“Maybe,” Sam says slowly with a furrowed brow. “But if somethinghadbeengoing on with him, don’t you think he would have called you once he snapped out of it?”
I shrug. At a loss for words, I take another small sip of Sam’s special tea and scrunch my nose. It tastes a little bit like dirt and, perhaps not entirely coincidentally, my eyes start watering even more.
“Look, actions speak louder than words,” Sam goes on to say. “And you haven’t heard from Dex at all in three weeks. I’m sorry, hon, but I think that’s all you need to know.”
I nod despite myself. “You’re right,” I agree, sniffling. “God, I’m surprised I still have tears left. I haven’t stopped crying since the night of the wedding.”
