Page 51 of If the Stars Align
His eyes are wild when I look at him.
“Hey,” I say softly, kneeling in front of him. “I’m here. You’re going to be okay, you have to breathe.” I put my hand on his heart, and it’s racing so fast, it terrifies me. But I don’t let him see it. “Just breathe with me,” I repeat calmly. I try a technique I learned from Sam, breathing in four counts and out for eight. I do it over and over until he does it with me. I keep my hand on his heart the entire time. Until it slows and beats in time with mine. Until he breathes a sigh of relief. Until he smiles, and he holds me, and we stay like that, on the floor by his bed for a while.
I’ve never seen Dex like that. So scared. So vulnerable. A mere mortal, like the rest of us. I’ve always had him up on a pedestal. But to seethisside of him shakes me to my core. I didn’t knowit was possible to love him more than I already did.
“You should try to get some sleep,” I whisper. “It’s late.”
He nods and gets up to sit on the edge of his bed. I stand and look for my keys. They’re on the nightstand. As I reach for them, Dex grabs my hand.
“Will you stay?” he asks, looking up at me. “Just to sleep, I mean.” Then he shakes his head. “Never mind—your boyfriend wouldn’t like that.”
I shake my head, confused. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” I tell him. I don’t know why he thinks I do, but now’s not the time to worry about it. All I want is for him to be okay. “I can stay.”
I grab my phone and send my mom a text. She’s already called me three times. Then I lie down next to Dex. He laces his fingers between mine, and I rest my head on his shoulder.
That’s how we fall asleep.
We go to the hospital together the next morning. Dex’s dad is feeling better and in good spirits. His parents arethrilledto see me. His mom hops out of her chair and throws her arms around me. “Sunny, you’re back!” she says with a relieved sob. Then I start crying too.
I’m not sure what to say. “I’m so sorry I’ve been out of touch,” is all I can come up with.
“Oh honey, stop,” she replies as she hugs me even tighter.
“Nonsense,” Mr. Dexter says. “You were busy with school. But we did miss you, darling,” he adds, which makes me cryeven harder.
They keep him in the hospital another week, but he’s doing better every day. Still I don’t leave Dex’s side. I stay with him every night, and we sleep in his bed. We only sleep, and that’s all, but we’re together, and that’s what matters.
My mom is furious. I come home one afternoon to grab some clothes, and she can hardly look at me. I’m in my room packing a duffel bag, and she stands in my doorway, talking to the window.
“I know you’re upset about Asher,” she begins.
I had told herhewas the one who didn’t want a long-distance relationship. I’d lied.
“But you can’t fall back into this old pattern,” she goes on. “You’ve spent most of your life chasing after that boy. Don’t you have anything better to do with your time?”
“I’m not chasing after anyone, Mom. I’m being a friend.”
“Friends your age don’t have sleepovers, Sunny. You’re not kids anymore.”
I pause to gather my thoughts as my mom continues to stare out the window.
“You know what, Mom? You’re right,” I say, and she finally looks at me. “Dex isn’t just a friend. He is so much more than that to me. He’s myfamily. And you—of all people—should understand why.”
I walk past her, out the door, and get in my car.
It’s Saturday night, and Dex’s mom calls with good news. His dad is being discharged, and they’ll be home from the hospital in the morning. We stay up late watching movies and eating popcorn. Then we go upstairs to his bedroom and, as we’ve done every other night this week, we fall asleep side-by-side.
When I wake up, it’s still dark. I’m warm. I can feel Dex’s chest rising and falling against my back, his soft breath on my neck. His arm around my waist. His hand on my stomach. When I turn toward him, our lips are nearly touching. His eyes slowly flutter open.
Then he kisses me.
It all happens so fast. We’re desperate for each other. We practically rip off each other’s clothes. When he hooks his fingers inside me, I’m already wet, so he enters me and thrusts harder and faster than he ever has. We’re not usually like this—clawing at each other like animals. I’m screaming his name, my hands traveling from the nape of his neck to his shoulders to his ass as he grinds into me. I’m seconds away from ecstasy, but I’m not ready for this to end…so I slow our rhythm. I lock eyes with him, and he nods because he understands. He wants this to last forever too.
Dex sits up in bed and pulls me onto his lap. I wrap myself around him—my legs around his waist, my arms around his shoulders. We’re as close as two people can be. This is how we make up for the lost time. We find ourselves in each other’s gaze. We revel in each other’s pleasure. We kiss and rock slowly, then faster, then slowly again, over and over, until morning. It’s been night for so damn long, but now it’s bright, and we never look away, onlydeeper into each other’s eyes until we come.
And the orgasm is…indescribable. Incomparable.
When we’re lying next to each other again, Dex turns to me. “I’ve missed you so damn much,” he says.
