Page 53 of If the Stars Align
But we have a job to do. So instead, I get to whisking.
I’m still no whiz in the kitchen, but Mrs. Dexter has already prepared the batter, and I’m relatively confident I can make the pancakes without burning them. So I take care of the flipping while Dex slices strawberries and puts on a pot of coffee, and in no time we’re seated at the table having breakfast. Dex inches his chair closer to me, and as we eat, he has his hand on my knee. When he’s finished his last bite, he sips coffee with his arm around my shoulder. We sit there for an hour and enjoy each other’s company.
It’s everything I’ve ever wanted my whole life.
That’s how it goes, the whole summer. Mr. Dexter rests and recovers. His health is improving, and the doctors are optimistic. But Dex stays home in Beachwood, to be sure. We spend our days together, the three of us, in the Dexters’ living room, watching TV and doing crossword puzzles while Mrs. Dexter’s working. Most days I make lunch and, when I do, I’ll look over at Dex and his dad on the couch, the two men I love most in the world, and it’s all I can do not to cry right there in the kitchen, over turkey cold cuts and cheese slices.
In the evenings, Dex helps me make dinner so his mom can relax when she gets home from work. Usually we’ll eat on the patio and stay out there until his parents are ready for bed. It’s what I used to dream about in high school. It’s the same, lovelydinner with the Dexters, but better, because when Dex gets up to refill our drinks now, he kisses me before he leaves.
Everything is out in the open—Dex and me together—no secrets or sneaking around. He asked his parents, and they don’t even mind me staying the night. “This will always be your home too,” his mom says to me one Sunday morning while we’re washing dishes.
We spend time at my house too, but not as much, of course. Though my mom is far from ecstatic about my relationship with Dex, I have Luis to thank for talking her off the ledge. When he and Dex met, they were instantly enamored with each other. I’m grateful to at least haveoneperson at my house who’s in our corner. My mom is still frosty, but she hasn’t disowned me. Yet.
If I could live in an eternal summer, it would be this one.
But that’s the thing about summers. They always come to an end.
Before I know it, Dex and I have only one day left together. He’s with his dad this morning at a follow-up doctor’s visit, so I’m back at my house, packing for my move to Bloomington. Preparing to start my new life as a law student.
Well, that’s what Ishouldbe doing. Instead I’m sitting on my bed, poring over old photo albums. Reliving every precious childhood memory and making my way through an entire box of tissues.
I’m only halfway through sixth grade when I find the Polaroid picture of Dex and me that Evan took at his party, minutes before Dex first kissed me. Minutes before the course of my life changed forever. And now I’m at a turning point again.I’m leaving for law school tomorrow. I’m willingly committing myself to three more years away from Dex. Why oneartham I doing this to myself? Why risk losing the love of my life for a career I’m not even sure I want? If I look back on this moment years from now, will I regret the path I chose?
I consider calling Mia for advice. About a week after our argument at the coffee shop, I reached out to her to apologize. She forgave me, like Dex said she would. But our friendship still feels strained. Besides, after what happened between us, I suspect she has no interest in getting involved in my relationship again.
I’m in the throes of an existential crisis, sobbing into my knees, when I hear a creaking sound. I look up and see my mom standing in my doorway. I must have been crying so hard I didn’t hear her come home. I watch as she surveys the mess surrounding me—the albums, the stray photographs, the crumpled tissues. The corners of her lips turn down when her gaze meets my wet, puffy eyes.
“I can’t do this,” I tell her. “I’m going to move to LA.”
My mom rolls her eyes. “Look. You had a fun summer. We’ve all been there. But vacations aren’t real life, sweetie. Real life is what happens when you start law school in a few days. This is what you’ve been working so hard for, Sunny. You’re not going to throw everything away for some boy.”
“He’s not justsome boy,” I snap.
My mom shrugs. “He’s a fantasy. He’s someone to have fun with, and nothing more. Just accept this fling for what it was and move on.”
“You know what, Mom? I amso goddamntiredof you putting him down all the time.” I stand and walk toward her. “I don’t know what you have against Dex, but I also don’t give a shit. Because you’re wrong about him. He isnota fling—he’s the love of my life. And I’m moving to LA, whether you like it or not!”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone turn so dark a shade of crimson. I’ve never spoken to her this way before. “Over…my…dead…body,” she warns, her eyes practically bugging out of her head.
“I’m twenty-two years old, Mom! You can’t tell me how to live my life.”
“The hell I can’t! Didn’t I raise you to be smarter than this? Haven’t you learnedanythingat all from our experience? Men leave, Sunny. You need to be able to support yourself. Do you know how hard it is to raise a child alone?”
I laugh bitterly. “Doyouknow how hard it is? Because you were hardly ever here to raise me!”
“Exactly! Don’t you realize how guilty I feel because of that? How guilty I’vealwaysfelt?”
“Because you chose your career overme?”
My mom scoffs. “Sweetie, Ihadno choice. We were completely on our own. We had no family, no safety net. It was terrifying. I worked as hard as I did to make sure you would never want for anything. That even under the most dire circumstances, I’d have enough saved up so that you would be okay. Better than okay. You have always been my top priority—and I’m sorry if it didn’t feel that way. I’m sorry I drove you straight into that boy’s arms, and that you’re willing to uproot your entire life forhisdream. What are you going to do in LA, anyway, huh? Wait tables? Orjust wait at home for him?”
“There are law schools in LA, Mom. It doesn’t have to be that way. I can still have a career and be with Dex.”
“Oh yeah? And what happens when he moves to New York to be on Broadway? Or to London, for that matter. What are you going to do with your law degree then? When you’re licensed to practice in California, and he’s jet-setting to a different city every three months?”
“Then I’ll write. I’ll write romance novels like the ones I’ve been secretly devouring since I was sixteen. I’ll pursue the dream I’ve been too scared to tell you about because I know you’ll laugh at me. Because you’ll tell me it’s not a seriouscareer. Well, guess what? I don’t care if you like my dreams or not. This ismylife. Not yours!”
I have every intention of slamming the door in my mom’s face, when I hear a car pulling into our driveway. I run to the window.
