Page 55 of If the Stars Align
Her mom’s words are so pointed, I know exactly what she’s doing. That was the same phrase she used to shoo me off her lawn two years ago.
If you love her, honey, you’ll let her go.
I never told Sunny what her mother did, and I don’t plan to. I wish I could be more spiteful. If Sunny knew the truth about her mom’s meddling, she’d definitely come to LA with me. But at what cost? Sunny only has one blood relative in her life. No matter how shaky their relationship is, I can’t take that away from her. If I did, I’d be no better than her mom. And as meddlesome as she is, at the end of the day, she’s only trying to protect her daughter. Because she loves her.
I cannot fucking fault her for that.
I watch Sunny waver. And I don’t want to make her decision any harder than it already is, so I jump in. “Your mom’s right. I’ll wait as long as I have to. You decide what you want to do, and I’ll support you. No matter what,” I say, with a pointed glance at her mom, who smirks at me.
For a moment, there’s silence. Then Sunny takes a ragged breath. “I want to sleep on it,” she says.
She doesn’t want to let me down in front of her mom. She won’t give her the satisfaction.
But my heart is broken, regardless. For about thirty seconds today, one of my biggest dreams came true.
Then I lost it.
We were up half the night packing her things. By the time we’d finished loading her car, it was three in the morning. I asked her if she wanted to come home with me and sleep in my bed. She said she couldn’t, because she’d never want to leave. She promised she’d stop by in the morning to say goodbye.
And here we are.
She looks so broken. I’d sell my soul to make her feel whole again. That’s how much I love her.
I should tell her.
She hasn’t said a word since she got out of her car. She has her arms wrapped around me, and she’s trying not to cry. Now she’s turning away.
Is this it? Is she really going to leave without sayinganything?
“Sunny—wait.”
I’m going to tell her I love her. I can do it now. She saw me endure the worst panic attack of my life—helped me through it, in fact—and she didn’t judge me. She didn’t run away from me, or reject me. No, she loved me.
She loves me.
I take her hand in mine. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for years,” I tell her. “And I can’t keep the words in any longer. I just—I want you to know that?—”
“Don’t.” Sunny touches her finger to my lips.
Mypalms start sweating.
“I know what you’re going to say and, trust me, Dex, if you finish that sentence…there’s no chance I’m getting in my car and driving to Indiana.”
I nod.
I didn’t think my heart could hurt any worse than it already did. I was wrong.
“I can’t hear those words coupled with goodbye,” Sunny goes on with teary eyes. “So, do me a favor, please? Save them for when we canreallybe together. When we aren’t separated by thousands of miles, and infinite uncertainties. When the stars align. Okay? That’s when I want you to tell me.”
It’s the first day of kindergarten all over again.
I’m anxious. Overwhelmed. Astounded that every other student in the room seems happy to be here except me. There’s a bit of nervous excitement in the air, of course. That’s to be expected on the first day of law school. But I don’t see anyone else freaking out like I am. I’m sitting on the edge of my seat. My right leg is bouncing up and down at high speed. My hands are braced against my desk. I must look like I’m about to make a run for it. Maybe I should. I don’t belong here. I belong in LA with Dex.
But if I drop out of law school, or even defer my enrollment, my mom will disown me. Truthfully, I don’t care the slightest bit about her money. But supporting me financially is the only way she’s ever shown me love. She never played with me, or baked with me, or made art with me when I was a kid. But she’s always worked hard to clothe me, and feed me, and put a roof over my head. So what will it mean if she decides to cut me off?
“Did we have reading for this class?” someone asks me.
I practically jump out of my seat. I’dbeen so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed anyone sit down.
