Page 64 of If the Stars Align
Your vision is clouded by smoke and dust, but you see pockets of light and shadow.
In the distance, you hear a faint ringing. It gets louder.
You begin to make out other sounds. But they’re very far away.
“Dex?”
“Can you hear me?”
“Come back to me—please.”
Her voice pulls me out of the rubble.
“Dex? Are you okay?”
It’s Sunny.
And she isn’t far away, she’s right in front of me. On top of me. Straddling me. Her clothes half on and half off.
I’ve never seen her look soscared.
It takes me several seconds before I remember why. One minute I was kissing her, and the next—I was out of my mind.
Sometimes the panic’s so bad that I leave my body for a while.
I should have gotten help for my anxiety a long time ago. But now? Someone will leak the story. I can see the headlines: “Dex Oliver: Insanely Hot or Just Insane?”
Fuck that.
I can’t trust anyone to help me. I have no choice except to ride it out.
But I have to pull myself together now. I need Sunny to know the truth.
I can’t live like this anymore.
I’ve been a mess since we started shooting this film. Not on set, of course. The acting part is going great. The problem is when we wrap for the night. The second I walk through the door of my apartment, I’m Ollie. Last night, in Sunny’s bed, was the first time I’ve slept for more than a four-hour stretch in months.
I’d needed to see her so fucking badly. I was such a nervous wreck on the train ride from London that I actually walked into her apartment as Dex Oliver. I don’t usually have to do that around her. I just haven’t been myself in so goddamn long, I’ve practically forgotten what it’s like. When I was kissing her in the foyer yesterday, I was convinced that if I didn’t have her right away, the only genuine part of me might die. She’s the antidote to everything that’s wrong with me. All it takes is sharing the same air with her, and I breathe more deeply than I ever do when we’re apart.
I was so happy today. Strolling the streets of Paris with the woman I’ve loved my whole life. I was myself again. There was no Ollie, no Dex. Just me and Sunny. The way it’s supposed to be.
But then we got back to her place, and all I could think about was the fact that I’d have to leave her for London in the morning. And then what? I have no fucking clue when I’ll see her again. I don’t know what my life will look like after I make this film. All I know is that if I keep going down this road, I’m going to lose her.
It’s already happening.
The more famous I get, the more I feel Sunny slipping away. And who can blame her? I cancel on her constantly. She has to go months without seeing me—unless, that is, she wants to turn on the TV and watch me all but fuck other women on screen. She claims it doesn’t bother her, but I don’t know if I believe it. It would destroy me to see Sunny with another man like that. Even if it weren’t real.
Then there’s the media. The paps. The tabloids.
Just being Dex was one thing—but I’ve created a monster.
How long will Sunny put up with me being Dex Oliver?
I’ve decided I don’t want to know the answer.
“I’m lost without you,” I tell her as I try to keep my breath steady. “I’m going to quit the movie. I’ll move to Chicago, and we can be together after you graduate.”
Sunny looks at me for several seconds, stunned. Then she shakes her head. “Dex, I know you’re scared. You’re on the cusp of something extraordinary. And your life’s about to change. But you can’tquit this movie—andespeciallynot for me. Youwon’t be happy doing anything else, and you’ll regret it. You might even…resent me.”
