Page 65 of If the Stars Align
“I could never resent you, Sunny. You’re my whole world,” I plead. “I’m nothing without you.”
Her eyes are glistening. “How do you think I’d feel if I let you give up the chance to be a movie star? You’ve been dreaming about this since you were a kid. And maybe you don’t realize how spectacular you are, but most people who chase this dream never even comecloseto achieving it. You’re so close, Dex…you’resoclose.”
Maybe she has a point, but I don’t care. My dream means nothing if I can’t have her.“Sunny, if this movie is successful and my career takes off, how will it everwork between us? It’s barely working now!”
She buries her face in her hands. I wrap my arms around her as she cries. “I know that you’re hurting,” I say into her beautiful hair. “I hear it in your voice whenever I have to cancel our plans. Or when it takes me forever to call you back, or when you see some bullshit story about me online. You’re trying so hard not to show it, but Iknowyou, Sunny. You’re not happy. Let me fix this.”
She pulls away, rolls off my lap, and sits facing me. Then she nods. “You’re right. Thisisn’tworking. We’re both miserable. Maybe we should take some time to focus on our careers…”
“Wait—what?” I stammer. “Are you serious? That’s the exact opposite of what I’m suggesting!”
“What you’re suggesting is preposterous, Dex! I cannot be the reason you give up your career. If you quit now, you’ll never geta chance like this again. You’ll be blacklisted. You committed to this movie, and you need to see it through. And I need to finish law school, and pass the bar exam, and…who knows, maybe in a year or two…”
She doesn’t finish the sentence. She’s trying to let me down easy, but I see what’s happening.
She doesn’t want me anymore.
I unraveled in front of her. I let her see what’s underneath the act.
She’s disgusted now. There’s no way I’ll get her back.
My eyes dart around the room, looking for something to ground me.
But all I can see is Sunny’s life without me.
My hands are shaking. No, my entire body.
My heart, and soul, and the earth above me?—
I know this feeling all too well.
There’sno exitagain, because I’m in hell.
I manage to get the words out, though I can hardly breathe.
“Sunny, tell me the truth—are you fucking Jeremy?”
Her eyes go wide. She gasps. “What? Dex, no! Jeremy’s just a friend. There’snothinggoing on between us?—”
“He’s in love with you. He’s gotta be. Every time I call you, you’re with him. It’s only a matter of time. If you don’t already love him, you will. I know you will.”
Sunny’s practical. She’ll choose Jeremy because he makes sense. They’re going to be lawyers, living in the same city. They want the same things. It’ll be so much easier for her to pickhim.
“Dex…please,” she sobs. “This has nothing to do with Jeremy. Youhaveto believe me.”
I really wish I could.
I can’t breathe.
But my mind keeps playing tricks on me.
I can’t breathe.
I don’t know what’s real, and what’s anxiety.
I can’t breathe.
I can hardly make out what she’s saying to me.
