Page 88 of The Edge of Summer
“Why not?” he demands.
Why, why, why? Because I’ll break. And broken people are hard to put back together. The pieces never fit exactly right, and the glue holding them doesn’t always stick. The tears I tried desperately to keep at bay are streaming down my face now.
“I’m trying to be strong,” I whisper. “For you.”
“I don’t want you to be strong!” he shouts, a plea in his voice. “I just want you to bemy sister!”
He abandons his juice and storms back up the stairs. I rest my head in my hands, letting the tears fall freely. God, what has happened to us? They say grief changes you, but I didn’t expect it to irrevocably tear us apart until we’re unrecognizable to our past selves.
I’m not sure I fully think it through when I pull out my phone. All I know is that I need something to get rid of this ache in my chest and there’s only one person who can help me with that.
I need you.
I messed up.
When I woke up in Luke’s arms, I knew. I fucked up—bad. This thing between us wasn’t meant to come with any strings, but now I have nothing but strings and they all tie back to Luke. Which means that I need to get out of here before I do something stupid like confess everything I’ve been feeling.
I always knew this thing between us had an expiration date. I just didn’t expect it to come so soon. But this is my fault. It’s all my fault.
“Ow,fuck.”
While my focus is on my throbbing big toe—the one I just stubbed rather brutally on Luke’s bed frame—a pair of arms wind around my waist. I land on the corner of the mattress, wedged between two muscular thighs and trapped with my back to a hard chest.
“Where are you running off to, Shutterbug?”
God, his sleepy voice. I was hoping to avoid that—slip out while he was still sleeping. Then I wouldn’t have to try to conjure the willpower to leave him behind.
“I wasn’trunning,” I argue. “I was just…quietly going home.”
“Okay,” Luke says. His barely-contained amusement rumbles in his chest. The asshole is actuallylaughingat me. “Why were youquietly going home?”
I sigh. “Because I fell asleep.”
“You’re gonna have to spell it out for me, baby, because I’m not following.”
When I push to stand, he releases his hold, but he doesn’t let me go far. He moves to the edge of the mattress, his feet planted flat on the floor, and I stand between his legs. One of his hands curves around the back of my knee, like it’s pure instinct for him to be touching me somehow. That makes my chest ache.
I shouldn’t tell him. I shouldn’t because everything will come crashing down around me and I don’t know if I can take that right now. But I can’t lie. I don’t have it in me anymore.
“I told myself I wasn’t going to fall asleep here. Because I knew that if I did—” I cross my arms over my chest as I look everywhere but at Luke. The man with the most endearing case of bedhead I’ve ever seen. “I knew that if I did, I wouldn’t be able to walk away after and still pretend I don’t want more.”
Luke freezes, and then his hand slowly falls away, leaving me feeling cold. “Delilah…”
I chew on my lower lip. “I know,I know. That’s not part of the agreement. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna go.”
I take a step backwards, out of his personal space. “Delilah, wait,” he says, reaching for me. “Can we just stop and think for a second?”
I shake my head, still refusing to be caught. “No, I can’t. Nothing has changed for you.” I allow myself to meet his eyes, even though it hurts. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
The wait is absolutely devastating. His eyes hold a torrent of emotions, all unreadable. “I can’t,” he admits.
I nod, biting my tongue so I can focus on that pain instead of the pain lancing through my heart. I refuse to cry in front of him—not when I knew what I was getting into from the start. Not when I promised him I could handle our arrangement. Goaded him even. The sting of heartache is amplified by the embarrassment I feel. I was so stupid to think that this wouldn’t end in disaster.
“Goodbye, Luke.”
“So that’s it?”
“That’s it.” Based on the frustrated look on his face, I can tell he doesn’t like this. “I’m not sure what you want from me when you’re not giving me a reason to stay. And I get it. God, I get it, more than you know. But I have to go.”
