Page 108 of This Kind of Forever
I lean closer, speaking only for her. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
She shakes her head. “I should have known your family would be amazing, as always.”
Hallie goes to join Clara and Delilah at the table, and they start whispering together. It looks like Clara and Delilah are both interrogating her.
Someone claps me on the back, and I turn to find my brother sporting a smug grin. “I was beginning to think I’d never see the day you finally decided to make a real move,” Luke says.
I shake my head. “Again, you’re a hypocrite.”
He ignores my jab, and his grin turns sincere. He tips his head in an approving nod. “Happy for you, Gabe.”
“Thanks.” He goes to move away, but I stop him. “Hey, Luke? Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Now that Hallie has confessed, I feel like I need to do the same. Dad said he wouldn’t say anything until I did, but I’m sure Mom knows by now. Those two tell each other everything.
Luke gestures to the door. After receiving a reassuring smile from Hallie, I follow him out to the front porch.
“Mind making this quick?” he asks, leaning back against the wooden railing. “It’s fucking freezing out here.”
It is, but outside is the only place we’re guaranteed a lick of privacy. Everyone else will find out eventually, so maybe it’s a moot point to talk to Luke alone, but I figured I owe him that much. As my boss, but also as my brother.
I grit my teeth, gathering my nerve. “I just wanted to give you a heads up that I’ll be quitting sometime in the near future.”
Luke rears back, looking like I slapped him. “Quitting? You planning to move or something?”
I shake my head. “No, I’m staying on the island. But I’ve been thinking, reevaluating what I want my life to look like. And I’ve come to the conclusion that being a firefighter isn’t what I want. It never really was.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen Luke look so shocked. “What? You were so proud to join the crew.”
“No,you and Dadwere proud. I was just following in your shadow.”
“You mean my footsteps?”
My smile is more of a cringe. “All my life, I’ve looked up to you. I mean, of course I have. You’re my older brother. But I’ve never really been allowed to bemethe way you and Clara have. In school, I was alwaysLuke’s brother, never just Gabe. Always measured against you. And when it came down to it, I chose the path that everyone else thought I should take because I didn’t want to be known as the family fuck-up.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You and Clara, you’ve always been so sure of yourselves. Knew exactly what you wanted to be. I had no fucking clue, but I knew I couldn’t do nothing, so I joined the department.” I blow out a breath before admitting something even Hallie doesn’t know. “I almost quit once before, years ago. Had my resignation signed and sealed, ready to go.”
Luke stares at me. His expression is unreadable. “What stopped you?”
“Larissa told me she was pregnant. I couldn’t quit then. Not when I needed a steady job to take care of my daughter. Not when I was already the irresponsible kid who got a girl pregnant who I wasn’t even dating.”
My brother shakes his head. “You know we never gave a shit about that, Gabe. We never judged you.”
“Maybe you didn’t, but when all anyone else has ever done is compare me to my perfect, dependable older brother, I’m going to fall short every damn time.” And after a while, it starts getting to you, until you start to believe there’s truth in it.
Luke runs a hand through his hair. “Shit, Gabe,” he says. “I had no idea you felt that way.”
I shrug, then cross my arms against the chill. It really is fucking cold out here. “Because I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell anyone.”
Except Hallie. While she doesn’t know that I had been on the verge of resigning before, she knows how everything else has affected me.
“Still, I’m sorry. I’ll admit, I’ve been wrapped up in my own shit these past few years. I should’ve paid better attention to you, though. I’m sorry I dropped the ball.”
Shaking my head, I say, “You’ve gotta cut that shit out, too. I’m not telling you all this because I want you to manage my problems for me. In fact, I’d rather you didn’t.”
“I don’t?—”
