Page 115 of This Kind of Forever
If the mood wasn’t dead before, it certainly is now.
I haven’t heard from any of the Landells since I stormed out of their house. That was two weeks ago now. I’ve been tryingto move on, to forget about them, but that has proven to be more difficult than I thought. I evidently have issues with letting things go.
My palms grow clammy as I walk toward him. Gabe waits until I nod before he opens the door.
Sure enough, my father stands on the porch, hands tucked into the pockets of his wool coat. He gives us a sheepish smile.
I stare at him like a fool.
“Hi,” he says. “Sorry to drop in unannounced. Do you have a minute, Hallie? I’d like to talk, if that’s alright.”
Gabe looks down at me. He sets a hand on my back, and I lean into him. “Foster?”
The unspoken question hangs in the air. He wouldn’t hesitate to shut the door in Kevin’s face if that’s what I needed. What I wanted. But…I find myself nodding.
“I’ll be upstairs if you need me,” he says.
Gabe drops a kiss to my forehead and then walks away, and I’m left alone with my father.
I clear my throat. “Come in,” I say. “We can sit in the living room.”
My limbs feel stiff, like a wooden toy soldier’s, as I lead him from the front hallway. Part of me wishes Gabe would have stayed, if only so I had something steady to lean on. But the other part of me knows I need to do this on my own.
These demons—the scars my parents, inadvertently or not, left behind—are mine to vanquish alone.
I turn to offer Kevin a seat on the couch, but I find him looking at the freshly hung painting. It’s a rendering of the guesthouse, with its green siding and all the fallen leaves around it. Gabe told me to fill this house with my art—I figured something that represents the newest chapter of our story was a good place to start.
He gestures to it, walking closer. “That’s beautiful.”
I blush, looking down at my feet. “Thank you. I… I painted it.”
He smiles warmly. “You have remarkable talent, Hallie. Though I suppose you should take what I say with a grain of salt, given I’m just a layman when it comes to fine art.” He laughs softly at that, and I manage a smile. “I mean it. You’re incredible.”
Though I’ve made progress, I still don’t know how to properly receive compliments. So I awkwardly clear my throat, shuffling toward the chair perpendicular to the couch. Kevin takes the hint and rounds the couch, settling onto the cushions.
For a moment, we simply look at one another. I wonder if he’s thinking the same things as me. If he’s replaying our last encounter on a loop, trying to pick apart all the ways he went wrong.
He sighs. “About the other day?—”
“I’m sorry,” I blurt, then cringe. “And I’m sorry I interrupted you. Before you go any further, though, I just want to say that I know I shouldn’t have lashed out at Dana like I did. I?—”
“You were right.” The words stun me enough to dry up my voice. Kevin gives me a sad smile. “Everything you said was right, and I’m glad you were able to stand up for yourself…when I didn’t.”
I shift in my seat, even more uncomfortable now. When I imagined speaking with Kevin again, I wasn’t expecting the conversation to go like…this.
“When I set out to get to know you, to have you in my life, I never meant for anyone to get hurt,” he says. “Perhaps it was naïve of me, but I figured all our lives would be better for it. Now I can’t help feeling as if I’ve made yours worse in the process.”
I shake my head. “This was never going to be easy,” I say. “But…I’m glad you reached out. I needed to know. To know you. Please know I am grateful for that.”
Kevin sets his hands on his knees. “I shouldn’t have pushed so hard, so fast. Dana and I… We haven’t ever properly sorted through what my affair did to our relationship. That hurt has been ignored for far too long, by us both, and you bore the consequences of that. For that,Iam sorry. I put you in an impossible situation.”
I can see the sincerity shining in his eyes. Gabe said he had been skeptical of Kevin’s intentions in the beginning, and I can’t blame him, but it’s clear to see that Kevin means what he says now.
“To be honest, I’m not really sure where we go from here,” I admit.
“It’s long overdue, but Dana and I are going to counselling. Regardless of the outcome of my marriage, though, I want to have a relationship with you. If you’re willing.” He inhales shakily. “I’m not the best man, I know, but I want to do better. To do right by those I love. I don’t want to live any longer with regrets, and my biggest is letting you down.”
I swallow down the wave of emotion threatening to sweep me away. “I want that, too,” I admit. For the longest time, it was all that I had wanted. “But I think maybe we should start slow.” I offer him a smile. “You weren’t the only one who got carried away.”
