Page 120 of This Kind of Forever
HALLIE
Each strokeof my brush against canvas works to calm the thoughts swirling in my mind. Most of them are good, but there are a few that threaten to bring my mood down. Hence, the painting.
It was still dark when I slipped out of bed. Now the sun is steadily rising, and I know it won’t be long until Gabe realizes I’m gone. He’ll know I didn’t go far, though. Just out to the guesthouse in the backyard, where I’ve been spending a lot of my free time since the weather turned warm.
Without us really discussing it, the guesthouse has become my studio. When I need to clear my head, this is where I come. Abbie joins me sometimes, and she helps me practice the kind of lessons I’ll give during my camps.
We had the first one back in March, and although I was a ball of nervous energy the whole week, it went off without a hitch. And when we opened signups for this summer, parents were scrambling to add their kids’ names to the list. I’m hardly the first person to think up a camp like this, but apparently, it wassomething Kip Island desperately needed. I’m more than happy to fill that void.
“Foster?”
Time’s up.
I set my paintbrush down and swivel on my stool. “You can’t call me that anymore,” I say with a grin. I haven’t officially changed my name yet, but we got married three days ago. As far as I’m concerned, I’m a Bowman now.
Gabe, however, doesn’t take my bait. He crosses to me, worry in his expression. “How long have you been out here?” he asks.
“Um…two hours? Three?”
Based on how hungry I feel, probably longer. But as soon as I try to eat something, that craving will turn to aversion in the blink of an eye.
He grabs a second stool and sets it in front of me. Then he sits, arms crossed, and waits for me to elaborate. To tell him what’s been going on with me the past few days. He’s really got that stern dad expression down, which I imagine will come in handy in the coming years.
I can’t blame him for worrying. We were supposed to leave yesterday for our honeymoon. It wasn’t anything over the top—just a few days in a secluded cottage in the Muskokas—but I woke up too sick to travel anywhere. So instead, we’ve been stuck at home. I know he doesn’t care about missing our trip, but I do feel bad he doesn’t know why.
“One second,” I tell him.
I stand and head into the small bathroom. Fixing the plumbing in the guesthouse dropped down the priority list when I first moved into the main house, but it has been fully operational for the past two months now. It’s definitely more convenient to wash out my brushes here than lugging them all inside.
Nerves crackle and pop in my stomach. Grabbing the test off the counter, I take a deep breath through my nose, then let it out through my mouth. I’ve had to do a lot of that lately, trying to quell my nausea. It only works half the time.
Gabe is still sitting exactly where I left him. Not for the first time, I take a moment to appreciate him. My husband ishot. Especially when you consider the fact that, with the workout shorts he’s currently wearing, you can clearly see the new tattoo on his left thigh.
If I wasn’t already pregnant, I’d be demanding to be right now.
Hand at my side, I retake my seat on my stool. Gabe’s knees bracket mine. As I raise my hand, holding it out to him, I don’t take my gaze off his face. First, his eyes narrow while he processes what I’m giving him. Then they widen in surprise, followed by a shine I can only describe as pure adoration.
“Yeah?” he asks, taking the pregnancy test from me. Unlike the three others I took this morning, which only showed the two positive lines, this one spells outpregnanton the little screen.
I smile, my eyes growing misty. “Yeah.”
Gabe looks from me to the test, then back again. “How long have you known?”
“I suspected at the wedding,” I admit. I threw up a couple times before I could put my dress on, which was tighter in the bust than it should have been. “Clara dropped the tests off the day after, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to go get them without you knowing, but I didn’t take them until this morning. I was…scared.”
He doesn’t say anything, giving me space to collect my thoughts, but he holds his left hand out for me to take. The feel of his wedding band is something I’m still not used to, but it sends a bolt of giddiness through me anyway. Teenage Hallie would be flipping out right now.
“I want this with you, Gabe.So bad. But the minute I thought I could be pregnant, all those fears about turning into my mother hit me like a tidal wave.”
I stopped taking birth control a couple months ago. We weren’t trying, but we also weren’tnottrying. You just never know how long it might take, and I wanted more kids with Gabe. We wanted to give Abbie siblings. Only, I didn’t expect it to happen so soon.
Now that it has, I’m kind of freaking out.
“You’re going to be the best mom,” he says. “Know how I know? Because you’re already amazing with Abbie.”
I shake my head. “I don’t do much. That’s all you and Larissa.”
“You are an integral part of her life, and you share a special bond with her. It’s different than what she has with me and Larissa, but it’s no less important.” He squeezes my hand. “So hear me when I say that you’re ready. Okay?”
