Page 15 of This Kind of Forever
It isn’t, butfuck, do I want it to be.
“There’s nothing going on between me and Larissa,” I say anyway. I need her to know. “We’re friends. Besides, she just gotengaged. Her fiancé is a good guy. Chris treats her and Abbie right.”
“Oh.”
I chuckle. “Yeah,oh.” Then I turn, walking down the hall. “You wanna see the guesthouse?”
Hallie readily agrees, and she quickly follows me out to the backyard.
When I first bought my house, thanks to a few years’ worth of savings and the inheritance left for me from one set of grandparents, the guesthouse in the backyard wasn’t a selling point.
It’s small, only big enough to fit a bed, a kitchenette and a bathroom. The outside is painted in shades of green, not dissimilar to some of the other colourful houses on the island. At one time, I’m sure it was in peak condition, but it has become a victim of time. The previous owner was an elderly man, and though the main house was maintained, the guesthouse went by the wayside.
“The plumbing needs some work,” I say, stepping through the door. I move aside so Hallie can come in behind me. “You’ll have to use the kitchen and bathroom in the main house for a bit. The washer and dryer, too.”
She doesn’t say anything as she walks the perimeter of the room, inspecting the space. On top of the plumbing being shit, a layer of dust coats…well, everything. I’ve barely set foot in here in years. The surfaces will need a thorough cleaning, which we can hopefully tackle today.
I rub a hand against the back of my neck. “It’s not much, I know, but hopefully it’ll work for you. Do whatever you want to it. Make it yours.”
Hallie finally turns to me. “Are you sure about this?” she asks. “Clara and your mom didn’t really give you much choicethe other day, but you do have one. I don’t want to…force myself on you.”
I shake my head. It’s pathetic, really, how much I’d welcomeanythingfrom Hallie. I want it all, no matter how small a morsel.
“You’re not, I promise. This is good for us both. This place needs to be cleaned up, and you need a place to live.”
And I want you here.
As soon as the thought hits, I know it’s true. I want her here. No matter how painful it’ll feel to be close to her, I don’t want her moving someplace else. I don’t want her to find an apartment across town or on the mainland. I want herhere.
She doesn’t look entirely convinced, but she nods. “Alright, then… Where do we start?”
Time passes in stilted silence. I should have brought a speaker out here with us so we could at least have some music to fill the void. Going to get it now would only signal how unsettled I feel.
I can’t stand this stillness, I want to say.Can you?
Instead, I keep working. Every time we move to a new section to clean, we dance around each other. Not in a coordinated way either, but in a way that makes us look like we’re walking on a trail of eggshells just waiting to be broken.
“Sorry,” Hallie mutters when our arms brush.
I can’t take it anymore. With a sigh, I finally say, “Hallie…this is awkward.”
She chews on her lower lip, and then her rag lands on the counter with a smack. “I don’t know how to act around you,” she blurts. It feels like the first truly honest thing she’s said in a while.
I throw my hands up. “So don’t act. Be real with me.”
As soon as the words are out, a look of terror passes across her face. And damn, does that kill me.
“Gabe, I…”
I hate myself a little for what I’m about to suggest, but I’d do anything to take away her fear. “What happened before you left… We were kids, Hallie. It doesn’t matter now.” I swallow, working hard to hold her gaze. “So you can stop flinching every time you look at me, wondering when I’m going to bring it up.”
The way she visibly relaxes only drives the knife deeper. I didn’t think that her agreement would be this painful.
“I’m sorry,” she says quietly.
I sigh again. “Don’t be. You have nothing to apologize for.” At the end of the day, this rift between us is my fault.
Her fingers twist together in front of her. “I do. I’m making things weird.”
