Page 8 of This Kind of Forever
She shakes her head. “Oh, Gabe…”
No one knows what happened between me and Hallie before she left. No one except Larissa. On one particularly sleep-deprived night when Abbie was a newborn, everything came tumbling out. My daughter’s mother seemed like an objective enough third party that wouldn’t try to get involved like my family would.
“Don’t look at me like that. That’s in the past.” I wince. “But I saw her at the store earlier and…accidentally implied she’s been neglecting her grandfather.”
“Gabe,” she gasps.
Again, I wave off Larissa’s concern. “It’s fine. I’m fine. Go give Abbs the good news.”
After another skeptical look in my direction, she heads for the stairs. With a sigh, I rub a hand down my face.
I thought the island was small before, but having to share it with Hallie when she wants nothing to do with me makes it feel fucking tiny.
FOUR
HALLIE
All last night,I couldn’t get Gabe’s words out of my head.I figured someone should. Because I’m all that Pops has, and I left. Just likeher.
Gabe tried to take it back, but it needed to be said. And I’m glad he’s been checking in on Pops in my absence. Now, though, I need to do better. Become someone my grandfather can be proud of. The job at Carole’s gallery is a start, until I figure out what I want to do long-term.
Staring at Clara’s living room ceiling in the middle of the night gave my mind ample time to fixate on other things, too. Like Gabe.
He still keeps his face clean-shaven, showing off his sharp jaw, but his hair is perpetually messy. He got his first tattoo the moment he turned eighteen, and now his arms are covered in ink depicting different naturescapes. I even saw a lighthouse on one of them. The tattoos suit him, and I can’t help but wonder if he has more beneath his clothing. I hope he does.
I had a feeling it would hurt, but bearing witness to just how much I’ve missed over the years was like taking a white-hot knifeto the sternum. And when I saw his daughter, an ache settled in my chest. The way he looked at her, so full of love—it was more than I could’ve hoped for him. He’s a family man, through and through. I always knew he’d be a great dad.
But those tattoos. God, those tattoos… I?—
“Checkmate!”
I blink, zoning back into the present. The present where my eighty-one-year-old grandfather has just kicked my butt at chess. Again.
“You cheated!” I accuse.
“Now, Junebug,” he says, still insistent on that silly nickname—because I was born in June. His finger wags as the tilt of his grin turns teasing. “I didn’t raise you to be a sore loser.”
The fact that he had to raise me at all still weighs heavily on me. It’s not my guilt to bear, but someone has to hold it, seeing as my mother hasn’t felt a lick of remorse a day in her life. Otherwise, she would have never left me behind to chase a life she was happier to live.
And I’ve never known my father. I’m the product of an affair my mother had with a married man. He moved his family—hisrealfamily—off the island shortly after she told him she was pregnant.
For so long, it was just Pops and Hallie. Hallie and Pops. Amanda would blow through town, cause chaos, then dip again. My grandfather was my constant.
And I repaid him by abandoning him.
I narrow my eyes. “I distinctly remember that knight being in a different position a couple minutes ago.”
Pops shakes his head. “I might have to start worrying about you. Your memory seems to be going.”
It isn’t funny, the thought of either of us losing our memory, but I laugh anyway. It makes Pops happy, to see me happy. Iseem to be a little short on joy at the moment, but I’ll borrow as much as I need to keep that warm look in his eyes from fading.
A woman in a set of navy blue scrubs walks up behind Pops and rests a hand on the back of his chair. “Good game?” Teresa, his favourite personal support worker, asks.
He turns and grins up at her. “Every game with my Junebug is a good one.”
I have to actively blink back tears. Standing from my seat, I put my focus into packing up the chess pieces. I clumsily knock one to the floor, and as I bend to retrieve it, I take a moment to steady myself.
“I’m glad you had a good visit, Al,” Teresa says.
