Page 72 of Hard Count
“Anything, what do you need?”
“Pictures,” I say with a smile.
23
DREW
Groaning, I flip over in bed and bury myself further under the covers. I don't want to face reality and everything in this bed smells like Nash which is a comfort I'm not ready to let go of yet. I reach a hand out for him but the sheets are cold and empty. Slowly, I blink my eyes open. I try to lift my head but it’s still weighed down with whiskey.
Nash left me an unopened bottle of water and some pain meds on the nightstand. Sliding into a sitting position, I pop the pills into my mouth and guzzle down some water. It gives me a little bit of life but not enough to lure me out of bed.
I slink back down and curl into the covers. Memories of yesterday flash through my mind like a nightmare. A wave of emotions crash over me thinking about the boxes of letters I left scattered around my room. By now I’m sure my dad has discovered the mess. Sucking in a sob, I tighten the covers under my chin. Moisture pools in my eyes and slowly trickles out onto the pillow case.
For so long I thought he didn’t want me. I’ve pushed him away and kept him at a distance to protect myself. My bodyshakes and tears continue to fall as my heart breaks for all the time lost and moments we should have spent together.
The bed dips on Nash’s side and Frankie’s cotton candy perfume tickles my nose. She lays down on his pillow and wipes my face. I’m sure I look like a trash panda right now since I didn't wash my face last night.
“Just so you know Eli is standing outside the door. He doesn’t like that I’m laying in Nash’s bed. Isn’t he silly? I told him my best friend is bawling her eyes out. She needs me.”
Her words make me laugh and cry at the same time. “Thank you. I’ve never had a friend like you before.”
“I would think not. I’m one of a kind.” She flips her hair with a flourish. I gasp when I see her neck and chest covered in a mix of hickeys and bite marks. “Turns out,” she whispers. “He’s not the quiet soft teddy bear I thought he was.” We both break out in a fit of giggles.
“Oh god, my head.” I roll on my back and massage my temples. “I don’t drink like that. I don’t drink ever. I…” I sniffle and wipe my eyes.
“It’s okay.” She grabs my hand and squeezes. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I feel like I’m failing everyone. Last night I failed myself. I did something I vowed I would never do.” I turn toward Frankie and readjust the comforter. “My mom didn’t drink all the time at least I don't think she did. Knowing what I know now, it’s probably because she always had to present herself as the perfect mom and the victim. But when she did drink,it was problematic and out of control. I never wanted to be like her.”
“You aren’t.”
“How do you know that? I had one shitty day and I immediately went to alcohol.”
“Was that really what you wanted first?”
I shake my head. “No, I wanted Nash.”
“And you had to settle for me. I shouldn’t have suggested The Armory. I’m sorry.”
“You did nothing wrong. I’ve gone out to bars plenty of times without drinking. Yesterday was a bad time to test my resolve.”
“Today is a new day. You’re going to get up, shower, and be good as new.”
I don’t think I’ll ever be good as new. Duct tape couldn’t hold me together right now. I’m afraid if I try to get out of this bed I’ll collapse right to the floor.
“You go first. I’m going to text Nash.” Earlier I thought he might have gone upstairs to play video games or watch television while I slept. Now I’m wondering if he went somewhere else. Maybe he’s getting food. I could eat something greasy right now. My stomach growls in agreement.
Frankie laughs as she slides off the bed. “We’ll add food to the list.”
“Thank you, Frankie.” I sit up and redo my hair in a messy topknot.
“Of course. I’m always here if you need me.” She walks to my side of the bed and gives me a hug.
“You smell like Nash,” I say when she pulls away.
“Perfect. I was hoping that would happen.”
I gape at her as she walks toward the door. She’s devious and I’m here for it. Poor Eli. She hasn’t confirmed their relationship status but something is definitely going on with them. I sometimes wonder how much of her guard she keeps up after being hurt by her ex.
