Page 77 of Hard Count
Her words choke me, making it difficult to speak but I have to try. “For most of my life I loved football more than anything.” I turn my head in her direction. “Until you. Whenyou were born, you became my entire world. It may not feel that way now, but you were always my priority.”
“It didn’t always feel that way then. It’s hard to believe that I came before football if I’m being honest.”
“As much as it pains me to hear you say that, I understand. When you were younger I brought you with me whenever I could. But I never wanted the game to be your entire life. I’ve tried to shield you from it. Maybe it was a mistake but it was a risk I took to protect you. When I made the choice to come to Newhouse, I did it with your future in mind. I wanted more for you. I thought being here would give that to you. Instead, I lost it all.”
Drew stares blankly at the field. “You filed for the divorce. It was your decision to break up your family. We were never perfect but we were together. You could have kept us together.”
“I could have but I wasn't happy. You were the only thing that brought me joy but Laura did her best to ruin that too. I divorced your mom. I didn’t divorce you. I filed the divorce papers thinking it would be you and me. My lawyer led me to believe I had a winning case."
Neither one of us anticipated the length Laura would go to play the role of good wife and mother for the judge. "I tried to keep you with me. I don’t want you to think for a second that I didn’t. I had to play the part with Laura. After she was able to convince the judge to give her custody, I changed tactics.”
How do I tell her that her mom didn’t care? Laura didn’t do anything because she wanted her daughter or what was bestfor her. Everything she did was with the intention of hurting me.
“If you acted like you didn’t want me, then she didn't mind handing me over?" she questions. I nod in confirmation. "I hate her,” she says with clenched fists.
“I’m sorry you’re finding this out now. I can’t imagine what you’re feeling. I wanted to shield you from her as much as I could. If I acted like visitations annoyed me and were a nuisance to my bachelor lifestyle, she’d give me more time with you.”
“The whole time I lived with her she made you out to be the bad guy. You never said anything. You let me hate you.” Her eyes gloss over and it breaks my heart to see my little girl like this.
“It's okay." I sigh, trying to think of what to say to relieve any guilt she might be feeling. "I wanted the hate on me. I was worried what Laura would do when it was just the two of you. Would she treat you poorly if she thought you wanted to live with me? I thought it would be best if I was the bad guy for both of you. I spent years in court trying to get you back. I wanted you with me but if I couldn't have you, I at least wanted you to be happy.”
“That’s why you kept the house.” Her lower lip trembles as she fiddles with her charm bracelet. I’m happy to see she has a few new ones. "For me to come back. It would be like I never left."
“Yes, I wanted you to have your home if the courts ever saw things my way. In the meantime, I didn’t want to makeyour life harder while you lived with her. I wanted you to have some good memories growing up.”
“All of my best memories were with you. She wasn't bad all the time but I needed you too.”
I rip my hat off my head and run my hand through my hair. “I did what I thought was right. My hands were tied the moment she got custody. If I could have kidnapped you, I would. I tried my best. I never stopped trying to get you here with me. It finally worked.”
She gasps as realization sinks in. “It’s why you said you’d pay for college if I came here. It wasn’t to hold it over my head like she made me believe. I feel like an idiot. I should have come to my own conclusions. Instead, I trusted her. I let her tarnish our relationship. I’ve been awful to you.”
“No, you haven’t. You’ve been a teenager. There’s nothing you’ve said to me that wasn’t deserved.”
“What about the things I didn’t say? The texts I ignored? The calls I declined? I never met you halfway.” She pushes her hand into her chest.
“You ignored me because you felt ignoredbyme. I didn’t let you see how much I love you. All of this falls on me. I’m the one who didn’t do enough.”
“She told me you only called because you had to.”
I huff a laugh. “That sounds like Laura. I called because I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hear your voice.” I exhale a sigh. “It doesn’t help that I let work take over. It kept me busy and my mind off of you. Otherwise I would constantly be worrying or wondering what you weredoing.”
"But you were still wondering. You wrote me a letter almost every day asking me everything under the sun and they all went unanswered." A tear drips down her face as she bites down on her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.
"I did. I promised you I would write. I wanted to keep at least one of my promises even if you didn't know I was doing it."
“What do we do now?” she asks.
“I’d like to have a relationship with you without your mom standing between us anymore. I’d like to get to know the woman that has Nash Pierce tripping over his feet.” I give her a knowing look that makes her roll her eyes.
“I’m not sure where to start. Everything feels so messed up.”
“Why don’t we start with what we know? If you aren’t busy, why don’t you come to practice this afternoon? You can help us firm up our strategy against New Orleans.”
She tightens her jacket around her. “Are you sure?”
“Absolutely. I miss having my assistant coach by my side.” I rub the top of her head and mess up her hair.
“Dad,” she whines, ducking out of my reach and I think that’s the best thing I’ve heard in a long time. “I’ll think about it. I don’t want to get in the way.”
