Page 36 of A Series of Rooms
“Maybe not permanent, but...” Liam paused, something like genuine hurt in his voice. “Did I do something?”
His eyes slipped shut. Of course Liam’s first instinct was to put his own head on the chopping block.
Jonah raged with the urge to retaliate against the absurd suggestion. He wanted so desperately to take it all back, to pretend he’d never said anything at all, because he knew, heknew,he was setting himself up for one hell of a fall.
But he could deal with it, he would, if it meant shielding Liam from all of this; from himself and the money problems and the constant periphery of danger that followed everywhere Jonah went.
“This isn’t good for us.” Jonah set his jaw.
There was another gap of silence, and then—
“No.”
The firmness in Liam’s voice was enough to shock Jonah into turning to face him.
Liam stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his feet set apart in defiance. “I’m not going to just cut you off, Jonah. After all this time? How could you expect me to do that?”
The muscles in Jonah’s face twitched as he struggled to uphold his resolve. The perfect response, the one he knew would hit right where he needed it to, was coiled and poised on his tongue, ready to strike.
“Liam,” he began. Beneath his borrowed sweatshirt, his heartbeat pounded against his ribcage.
“No,” Liam cut in. “I’m not going todropyou like you’re nothing.”
“I guess I don’t get a say in it, do I?” He forced himself to look up into Liam’s eyes as he spoke, watching the horrified flash of recognition land on him. “It’s really your choice,” he pushed forward, hating himself with every syllable. “You make the arrangement, and I show up. That’s how this works.”
It was low, and he knew it, and maybe he was low for going there with Liam and knowing it would work. For a moment, he really thought it had, until Liam surprised him for a second time.
“What is this really about?” He took a step closer to the bed where Jonah sat, sinking down onto the corner across from him without making contact. “You know I wouldn't dothat. You know I wouldn’t...forceyou to be here if you didn’t want to be. You do know that, right?”
Jonah turned his head back toward the wall. He closed his eyes. “I know.”
“So, tell me what you’re trying to do here.”
“I’m trying to do the right thing,” Jonah said.
“Forwho?”
He was grateful to have chosen then to turn away, because there was no stopping the tears that spilled over. He could have kept up the fight, and probably should have, for Liam’s sake, but Jonah was so tired.
“I heard you,” he confessed. “On the phone, just now.”
Liam blew out a puff of air. “Okay,” he breathed. “Well, that makes more sense. What exactly did you hear?”
“Enough,” Jonah answered, wiping his eyes with the back of his—well,Liam’s—sleeve. “Enough to know that you’re struggling because of what we’re doing here.”
“Jonah, what you heard was...” He shook his head. “It was one of many battles in a years-long war. One that I was fighting long before I met you.”
“You’re throwing away hundreds of dollars every week, and for what?” Jonah argued, unsure of how to fight a battle he desperately didn’t want to win. “Money that could be going toward New York and college and everything you want. You could actually have it, and instead you’re here with me.”
“I’m not throwing anything away, Jonah. Not my dreams, and not you either. You’re not disposable. After all thistime?” There was a genuine twinge of hurt in his voice. “You really think that’s how I feel about you?”
“I just...” Jonah pinched his eyes shut. “I don’t want you sticking around out of some misplaced guilt. You don’t owe me anything, Liam, and you’ve given me so much already. We met by chance, and you were kind to me. That could be the end of it.”
“You were kind to me first,” Liam said, surprising him.
“Soliciting you for sex you didn’t want wasn’t kindness.”
Liam shook his head. “Before that. The night of my birthday, in the bathroom at the bar. You could have told me to fuck off, but you asked if I was okay. You let me talk your ear off about my problems even though you were clearly the one having a worse night.”
