Page 19 of Steve's Barmaid
“You have put a lot of thought into the life you want,” she said, looking at me with what seemed to be admiration. What could I have said to make her admire me?
“Well, I had a lot of time stuck up in the mountains thinking,” I said ruefully.
“Do you see yourself doing this traveling and adventuring with a certain someone?” she probed.
I felt myself blush. “There was no one in my tribe that I wanted as a mate. After a while, I stopped considering any of them. I knew if I was going to take a mate, I would have to find someone outside of Snaerfírar.”
“So, is that what this mission is? A hunt for a mate?” she asked outright.
“It’s been so long since I considered anyone. It hadn’t really crossed my mind.” I’d come to Fýrifírar looking for connection—and understanding. Not a mate.
“So focused on figuring out your future that you didn’t picture a partner?”
I could tell she’d traveled this same path. “I guess, yeah.”
“Well, maybe it is time to consider if you want one. Especially if you see orklings in your future.”
“Do you want one?” I asked. “I mean, do you want a partner?”
Immediately, I wanted to hide under a large piece of furniture. How could I even ask that? But Billie didn’t seem to mind.
She sighed, “That’s… complicated. I always thought I did, but my relationships with men have been one dumpster fire after another.”
“Dumpster fire?” I asked.
“Mmm… Shit show? Disaster. One disaster after another.”
Well, now I had learned two more human terms: shit show and dumpster fire. I filed them away for later use.
“Why were these relationshipsdumpster fires?” I asked, making her laugh.
“Well, I have a bad habit of jumping into things physically and then getting my heart all caught up in what the guy only saw me as a hook-up.”
“Hook-up?” I asked.
“You know, casual sex, no strings attached.”
I nodded like I understood, though I definitely didn’t. I couldn’t imagine being casually intimate with someone. Maybe it was my lack of experience, but the idea of sharing a bed with someone and then treating them like it wasn’t a big deal made me feel ill. Billie must have seen the look on my face.
“Not something you’d be interested in?” She leaned forward.
She already knew that I lacked experience, so there wasn’t much harm in sharing more. Plus, Billie didn’t seem like she would judge anyone.
“Maybe it is because I haven’t been in a romantic relationship, but I can’t imagine doing intimate things with them and then pretending as if it hadn’t happened. What is the point?”
“You don’t ever want to have sex just to have sex?” she asked.
I just sat there blinking. I had no idea what the right answer to that was or if there was a right answer.
“Uhhh…”
“Okay, so maybe you and I are more alike than I thought.” She chewed her lip thoughtfully. ”We are just coming at it from opposite ends of the spectrum. Whenever I sleep with a guy, I find myself wanting more. I don’t want to hook up with him and then continue about my life as if it didn’t happen. I want to see if there is the possibility of a relationship, of a future. What it sounds like is that is what you want as well; you don’t have the same kind of baggage I bring to the table.”
Billie was using the term baggage in a way I was unfamiliar with, but I didn’t see any of her past experiences as an issue—if anything, they’d helped her grow. “You say it like it’s a negative thing,” I ventured. “I think you’ve spent a lot of time figuring out what you want. In doing that, you’ve decided what you definitely don’t want. That seems like time well spent.”
“It does seem like time well spent. And it has given me plenty of opportunities to learn what I like and hone my skills,” she said, licking her lips.
It took me a second to follow her meaning, “Billie! You can’t say things like that to an inexperienced orc like me!” I put my hands in my face in mock embarrassment, trying to hide my laughter.
