Page 100 of No Safe Place
‘It wasn’t fair.’
Maxwell laid his pen down. Waited for more.
Callum sighed. ‘Have you ever read any Edward Thomas?’
‘No,’ Maxwell said. ‘But he features quite heavily inDarlings, Obsessed, doesn’t he?’
Callum nodded. ‘There’s one story, about this guy who is going to kill himself. He says something horrible to his kid, and he feels so guilty that he takes his gun into the woods to, you know—’
‘Seems like an overreaction,’ Maxwell said, and Callum studied his face. It wasn’t said judgementally, or critically. If anything, Maxwell sounded intrigued.
‘There’s a line in the story, where the guy says that he “could not believe they would ever be more unhappy than they often were now.”’
Callum let the quote hang in the air, and he felt the same tug, same pressure on his chest, as he had the first time he’d read it.
‘Because of his depression, he’d made his family so unhappy. And he couldn’t imagine, couldn’t fathom what else it would take to make themmoreunhappy. Isn’t that the saddest fucking thing you ever heard?’
‘It’s—’ Maxwell trailed off. ‘Is that why you broke up with Lily? Because you felt like the man in the story?’
Callum downed the coffee. ‘I need a shower and a shave. What time is Lily getting here? Do I have time?’
Maxwell looked at his watch, a silver face on a battered leather strap. ‘If you’re quick.’
Callum eased himself up out of the chair and walked the four paces to the door. He turned back to Maxwell, who was already typing away on his laptop.
‘It’s called “The Attempt”, by the way.’
‘What?’ Maxwell said, looking up. ‘What is?’
‘The short story,’ Callum said. ‘It’s called “The Attempt”, and the guy doesn’t shoot himself, in the end. He survives.’
Chapter 69
Saturday | Afternoon
Lily
Lily thanked the driver as she got off the bus, outside the Maudsley.
The crowd of people who’d got off behind her streamed towards the park. It was another cloudless afternoon, sun beating down. The perfect Saturday.
She didn’t have sun cream at Scott’s, and her shoulders would burn if she didn’t get inside soon.
Her legs felt heavy and unsteady, but now she knew what had caused her symptoms, they were easier to ignore. She wasn’t sick, and she’d start to feel better as soon as all the shit was out of her system.
She was buzzed into the building, and gave her name at reception.
Lily couldn’t connect the Maudsley now to the hospital she’d been in as a teenager. Partly, it was because all hermemories of that time had an otherworldly quality. Not a whole picture, more like snapshots and fragments. Vignettes.
It could also be down to the extensive refurb and paint job.
It was Erin, the nurse from the other day, who let Lily onto the ward. She kept up a stream of chatter as she guided Lily down the corridor, to the dining room.
Callum was sat at a table reading a book.
Lily stopped in the doorway, and as if sensing her presence, he looked up and smiled.
He was holding the book at the corners, thumbs over the page numbers, like he used to. But reading was reading.
