Page 111 of No Safe Place
He rubbed his temples, one of her mannerisms. ‘I’m not a fucking kid anymore, Mum. I can see when you’re struggling.’
‘I’m not struggling,’ she snapped.
‘You are.’
Her cut hand was stinging. ‘You can’t walk into my house and tell me how I’m feeling. It’s a double murder; it’s going to be stressful—’
‘You’re allowed to be stressed.’ His voice was thin and high. ‘Be stressed, but let me help. I can cook dinner or just, fucking,behere.’
‘Why are you acting like the injured party?’ she demanded. ‘You’re the one contacting my colleagues and asking them to what? Check up on me? Do you know how fucking embarrassing that is?
‘I have to look Young in the eye next week. What if it had got back to the super, eh? “DCI Field’ssonis getting in touchwith people working on an active investigation because he’s concerned for her welfare.” I am already on the receiving end of so muchshitfrom him—’
She paused for breath, unsure who she was even angry with.
‘Whatever,’ Toby said. ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re like this.’
Toby had always sulked. As a toddler, chubby arms crossed, facing the wall. When he got his first boyfriend and they had their first fight, Toby sulked for a week, mooning about the house, pointedly refusing his calls.
It infuriated her. He could never justhavethe argument. Sort his shit out. He had to brood on it, let it stew and poison everything.
Toby picked up his phone, and turned in a half-circle looking for his keys. ‘I’m going home. Get some sleep, okay?’
That was it. He was dismissing her. The fist not clutching the kitchen roll clenched too.
Field waited until he was unlocking the front door, before she spoke.
‘I’m not likeyou, you know? I’m not fragile.’
The words hung in the air.
Her voice had sounded normal. Unbothered, like they were having a typical conversation.
Somehow that made it worse.
A trickle of shame extinguished her anger. She wanted Toby to turn round and hurl abuse at her. She wanted to have the fight she knew she deserved.
Toby didn’t say anything else before he left, but he slammed the front door so hard his school photos rattled on the wall.
Chapter 78
Sunday | Morning
Field
Field felt sick, when she woke up.
It was like a bad hangover. Her stomach was churning, her skin was hot to the touch and her head was pounding. Last night’s dreams were replays of the conversation with Toby. Twisted versions, where she was more hurtful, took it even further.
Field sat up in bed, punching her pillow into a more comfortable shape.
Yesterday they’d had their biggest breakthrough yet, with Andy’s bloody clothes and the raid on his mum’s house. Even if they hadn’t found him yet, they were closing in.
There was no reason for her to go off at Toby like that.
She leaned over to the side table and put Radio 4 on, to alleviate the silence. Her back was stiff, but before she could luxuriate under the waterfall shower for fifteen minutes, she needed coffee.
Field opened the back door to let some air into the kitchen. The August heatwave still hadn’t broken, although the radio presenters kept saying they were due a storm.
