Page 36 of No Safe Place
‘I’m going to bed.’ She gathered her stuff, spewed from the pockets of her jacket as she hunted for spare Rizla. ‘I need to get up early tomorrow, I’m meeting Scott for lunch.’
The corner of Cal’s mouth twitched.
‘What?’
He shrugged, stifling a laugh.
Drunk Cal could be your best friend. He’d listen intently to you while you talked about your dreams, make you believe they were just within your grasp. He’d listen to songs from your childhood with you. Lie on the floor of the living room and hold your hand, staring up at the ceiling like it was the Northern Lights.
But Lily knew all too well that, more often than not, he ended up mean. Maybe it was the writer in him, but drunk Cal knew how to phrase his joke so that it stung. How to inflict wounds in an argument.
‘Goodnight, Callum.’
She had one foot on the bottom step when he called out to her.
‘Has he made you come yet?’
She was glad she wasn’t in the room, so he couldn’t see how deeply red her cheeks went.
Going upstairs was an option. Ignoring him, not rising to it, was an option. Not giving him the satisfaction.
He was in self-destruct mode, and he wanted to blow up a really nice evening.
‘He’s just deeply unhappy, babe,’ Scott would say to her.‘He’s sad and he wants to make you sad too.’
But Cal knew her, and he knew that she couldn’t leave it.
‘I told you that in confidence.’
He hadn’t moved from the table, but he was smoking again. After her brief respite in the hallway, she realised the room stank of smoke.
‘I’ll take that as a no then.’ Cal’s grin widened.
Lily drummed her fingers against her thigh. Trying to think of something to say and failing.
‘It’s not an issue you ever had with me,’ he said, putting his hands behind his head.
‘Don’t fucking tell him,’ she snapped.
Cal pulled a sympathetic expression. ‘Still faking it then? I thought so. I heard you the other night when I got up for a piss. Can he really not tell you’re putting that on?’
She wanted to pick something up and throw it, but she was working hard, really hard, not to do shit like that anymore.
It was good. They’d had a lovely evening, but she needed this reminder. It was good to keep this side of him fresh in her mind.
‘That’s enough, Cal.’
‘Again, not something you used to say to me very often,’ he said, smirking.
Her hands were fists at her sides, and there were angrytears in her eyes. The dining room suddenly felt hot, like the heating had been turned up to full whack.
‘I always knew Scotty wouldn’t be up to much.’ Callum sighed. ‘It’s not his fault. He’s only, you know, got a—’
He held up the limp, half-smoked cigarette.
‘No, Callum.’ Lily’s cheeks were still red, but her voice was steady. ‘You can’t fucking talk about him like that.’
He still smiled, but his eyes were fixed on hers, his jaw set. ‘Why not, Lil?’
