Page 3 of Ridin' True
It was at my insistence that Alejo wasn’t sleeping on mami’s couch. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately—it wasn’t always easy to tell—he had Felix as his fallback option.
It was hard drawing boundaries, and I hated that I had to be the strong one to do it. I hated even more that I was in a financial position where I could back-up my stance with a threat that came with dollar signs; but life with an addict was messy, and we had Ellie to think about.
“Well, here’s hoping they’re both making a real effort,” I told her.
I stayed until the sun started to set and left with hugs, kisses, and a basket full of clean laundry. My drive home was a short ten minutes, but it was more than enough time to get lost in my thoughts.
I lived alone, in a one-bedroom apartment, too small for washer/drier hookups, on the northwest side of town. I worked incredibly hard to make a good living, and I wanted more for myself, but the goal post seemed to be constantly on the move. If I wasn’t dealing with one setback it was another. I still had plenty of things I wanted to accomplish, but family came first, and mine had been in a state of constant struggle for more than twenty years.
Dad had left a big gaping hole in all of our lives.
I wasn’t sure how Alejo and I turned out so different. A psychologist would likely say it had something to do with how we each responded to our dad’s imprisonment. We were fourteen and Isabella was ten when Samuel Torres was sentenced to thirty years for armed robbery. It was a shock to the system, to put it mildly.
Alejo acted out, and I decided on a career path.
No one believed me, but my dad’s stupid life choices were not the reason why I studied to become an attorney. I wanted to be a lawyer because it seemed like a challenge I could take on and win. I was smart—book smart. There were so many battles in life I had lost, and I was stubborn and determined enough to chase this particular win.
And I was right.
It was hard to get to where I was. I worked tirelessly and sacrificed a lot, but I did it. I earned scholarships that got me through my undergrad, and I put myself through law school with a manageable amount of student loan debt I planned to have paid off by the time I was thirty-five. One of us had to step up in dad’s absence, and Alejo had proven time and time again he wasn’t going to do it.
Mom did her best, but dad left her in such a crappy situation.
I had advantages she didn’t. Advantages she gave me.
It was my responsibility to pay her back by standing in the gap.
As I let myself into my apartment, I dropped the laundry basket on the floor in my living room, discarded my purse on the coffee table, then stretched out along the couch. If I thought about it too hard, how far I’d come—how far I still had to go—it was like flirting with an overwhelming amount of loneliness.
In so many ways, in spite of my family, I felt like I was deserted on an island all the time.
Not just in my apartment.
That part I liked.
That part I needed.
My independence.
But even though I had lofty career goals, goals that would help me establish the life I longed for, I knew my job wasn’t everything. I knew I wanted more. At the very least, it would have been nice to come home to someone who was waiting for me. I didn’t have that because I didn’t prioritize it.
Family was everything. I knew it, and I refused to resent mine for being soneedy. I wanted to be better than that. I wanted to love them and be a constant for them. But I also wanted someone to bemyconstant. My rock. My safety net.
I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.
I was only thirty-three. I had time.
With a groan, I got up and went looking for my laptop.
There was only one way I knew how to escape the black hole of my thoughts.
It was going to be a busy, short week at the office.
A bit of work now would get me a head start.
Wrangler
Itwasnearlynine-thirtywhen he heard the sound of her approaching vehicle. It was later than usual, but he wouldn’t complain under the circumstances. The kids were officially on summer break and had nowhere to be the next day. Moreover, he’d never gripe about extra time with his offspring.
