Page 87 of Ridin' Free
But what I wanted and what I got were so rarely the same.
When Scorpion walked in on the cusp of midnight, it felt as though the universe was mocking me.
He approached the bar casually, and I watched as he scanned our faces. I knew right away he was looking for Mustang. Upon realizing he wasn’t there—the only brothers on duty too young to hold a grudge against him—he pulled out a barstool and signaled me for service. So far as I could tell, he’d yet to recognize me. Apprehensive as I felt, I greeted him as I would any other customer.
“What’ll it be?” I asked, setting a coaster in front of him.
“Heineken.”
I grabbed a chilled glass and poured him a draft. I didn’t look at him as I delivered his order—but he was obviously looking at me.
“Do I know you?” he asked, stopping me in my tracks.
My eyes found his and I tried my damnedest to ignore the pounding of my pulse in my ears as I replied, “I don’t know. Do you?”
There was a bite to my words I couldn’t hold back. As a slow smile spread across his face, I knew then and there I’d given myself away. He remembered me, and the truth felt like a battering ram knocking down the flimsy safeguards I’d erected around my hope.
I turned away from him, in search of a task to busy my hands. Yet, nothing could block out the voice in my head telling me I was fucked.
Scorpion sat at the bar until last call. I did my best to avoid him, and he didn’t go out of his way to get my attention, but I knew that meant nothing. He couldn’t be trusted. Worse, he heldall the power. He knew my darkest secrets. He could open his fat mouth, and I would lose everything.
You’ll lose everything anyway.
I tried to shake the thought away, but it was no use. I couldn’t reason my way out of the truth. Scorpion would either expose me or exploit me. I would have been a fool to assume otherwise. Either way, it would ruin me and the life I’d managed to find.
Fuck—but I thought I had more time.
Six years.
I thought I had at least one more.
I thought I had time to prepare. To decide. Tolive.
“Hey—you good?” asked Rodeo, yanking me from my thoughts.
I jerked my gaze in his direction and found both him and Buck looking at me.
“What?” I murmured distractedly.
“We’re done, Phoenix. Let’s get out of here.”
“Right. Okay.”
As I headed for the back office to collect my bag, I did so wondering where I would go. I wanted another night with Ben—but I wasn’t sure that was a luxury I could afford. Fact of the matter was, so long as Scorpion was around, I wasn’t safe. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted to stay. What I wanted never seemed to matter. Not ever.
‘I got you, sparky. You’re safe.’
I thought I could stay. I thought I’d wrestled the monster and lost, but no amount of longing could make me that stupid.
My home, my life, my relationship with Benson was all built on a bed of lies. I wasn’t who everyone thought I was—and when they found out, no one would ever look at me the same.
Benwould never look at me the same.
I couldn’t stand that.
Worse than losing him by choice was losing him to the truth.
I locked up, Rodeo and Buck leaving me behind with a wave. I lingered by the door, staring across the expanse of the empty parking lot, my boots suddenly heavier than cinderblocks. I knew, unlike the night before, when I got behind the wheel, there was no telling when I would be back, if ever. The reality of it was soul crushing in a way nothing ever had been before.
