Page 20 of Healing the Leonid Doctor's Heart
“For free.” The sweet confection lost all of its delicious notes, and she could only taste the bitterness of the cocoa. “Do you know how much these must cost?”
“A ton! I think there are only a few cocoa plantations left on Sapien-Three. Ardol told me there is a huge cocoa industry developing on some Leopardine moons and on Tigerite-Six.” Kaylie bit off another square. “Jade loves them, and Ardol is keeping her stocked. It’s one of her pregnancy cravings.”
“Mhm.” Realistically, Abigail knew Ardol loved Jade and would love her with or without a child coming their way. But it added to her value, surely? It made her worthy of all this luxury, these treats, the nice clothes... the love. The pleasure.
“You don’t like it? Give me the rest, I’ll take it. I remember getting these once when I was a kid. Some charity thing.” Kaylieclosed her eyes and looked like pure joy was dancing on her tongue. “So good.”
“Do you ever feel... Do you ever feel as though weoughtto go back? That we don’t deserve to be here?”
Kaylie’s eyes popped open. “I’ll pay them for the candy, Abi!”
“No, no. All of this. It’s too much. It’s toowonderful.”
“You seem to forget that I was supposed to be smuggled to a Pantherite who probably just wanted to use me like a fuck puppet, pardon my very bad language.” Kaylie put down the bar, a look of disgust on her face. “Maybe I would have been dead on arrival. Maybe I would have been living in some Felid’s dungeon.”
“Kaylie, Kaylie. Shh. Don’t, darling.” Abigail hurried to wrap her arm around the younger woman’s shoulders. “I wasn’t even stolen for that purpose, but I could have ended up there. And now we’re here. And doesn’t that make it all the worse, somehow? Not being able to do anything truly valuable for our friends? Living off of them?”
“They know we didn’t have much choice, Abi! As for too wonderful—Felidsandhumans conspired to drug us, stick us in a dilapidated shuttle that would most likely have burned up on hitting any planetary atmosphere, and if it didn’t...”
“No, I know. It’s not our fault. The situation was terrible, and we only survived because of Nessa’s quick thinking to piggyback our shuttle’s coordinates onto the supply capsule coming here, so we docked and didn’t end up done to a crisp.”
“So what’s got you in your head so deep that you ruin cocoa cream bars for me?” Kaylie demanded.
Abigail sighed. “Everyone is generous. We help out in our way, but I don’t think they’d mind if we didn’t, as long as we were polite. It’s like... We’re respected and revered in a way that I’ve never experienced on Sapien-Three. It’s not a dream come true, it’s bigger. I would never have dared to dream such—” Marcus’face loomed at her, buried between her thighs, memories of last night dancing in her head, “such pleasures. But there’s so little I can do to repay these people or help them when they’ve taken such good care of us.”
Kaylie cocked her head. “I see right through you, Big Sis.”
“You do?” Abigail didn’t know whether to laugh with relief or cower back, afraid of someone saying her desperate desires out loud, her craving for Marcus, her pathetic “excuse” to be near him—even if it was justified.
“You’re thinking about me and Jax. No. I can’t be with him, Abi. Not even if Ishoulddo it out of some sense of loyalty or obligation, or something. It’s not that I wouldn’t; it’s that,” Kaylie put the bar down, her eyes following, head hanging, “I don’t think he would want me. He’s got Alana’s picture on his toolbox. He talks about her every day. When I hung out down there the other day, I watched him smiling at it, eyes so sad and so happy all at once. God. That’s true love. He’ll always be in love with her.”
“But—” Abigail’s protest died.Yes. That’s true love.She thought back to Marcus’ quarters. There were pictures of Kaya in several places. Marcus talked about his late wife with such love.
Marcus will always love Kaya.
But last night... Last night, my body believed he loved me, that’s for certain.
Maybe that’s all he was enjoying—my body.
“He has needs,” Abigail said, more to herself than to Kaylie. She was sure Jaxson did, too. She was sure all beings did. Was last night about Marcus meeting her needs to make her more amenable to the physical acts required by surrogacy? Was he just seeing to his own lusts?
Kaylie shrugged. “I’m sure he does, and maybe if I were someone else, someone bolder and older, like Jade or even Layla, maybe I wouldn’t care if it was just a quick fling, a physicalthing... But what if that’s all it is, and he ends things right after we...” Kaylie suddenly seized the bar of candy and bit into it with savage force. She continued with her mouth full, “What if he marries again? Skyla or Lycen? They’ve been in the military together, you know. And they’re so... tall. And gorgeous. And Canid.”
“That doesn’t matter. Alana wasn’t Canid.”
“None of it matters. I’m not brave enough to be with a person, any person, unless I’m sure it’s going to last. Couldn’t stand living next to him and watching someone I lo— If I let myself get involved, and then we broke up, it would be so messy. The whole ship could suffer. No, keeping things friendly and nothing more is the most unselfish thing I could do. I think.” Kaylie tossed the candy back down. “Damn it, this tasted so good a minute ago.”
“I’m sorry, darling, that’s all my fault.” Abigail rubbed the young woman’s arm, shaking her head. “You said you wouldn’t try things unless you’re sure they’ll last. Kay, how in the world would a thing last if it didn’t even begin?”
“This is going to sound rude, but, Abi, how the hell would you know? You’re twice my age and you’ve never ‘started’ things, have you?”
“What makes you think I never—”
“I know you never, because if you had, they must not have gone far, or someone would have been looking for you, someone would be waiting for you. You wouldn’t be trying to decide between going back or staying here, because you go to where your loved ones are. I don’t have loved ones. I mean, I have you. You’re the closest thing I have to family,” Kaylie’s voice slowly faded, “and that’s just because we got kidnapped together. You wouldn’t have to stay with me if you didn’t want to. I mean, stay. Here.”
Abigail swallowed and reached under Kaylie’s chin to bring it up. “Well, seeing as we both had to meet to be able to adopt one another, I suppose God had to do whatever was handy at the moment to throw us together, Little Sis. I’m not going back—not if you want to stay.”
Kaylie’s tearful eyes brightened. “I want to stay here, at least for now. Maybe we’ll really like Lynx-Nineteen when we dock there for a week or two. Ardol and Jade really love the town and already have friends there. There would be lots of work, and it’s the biggest human-Felid community in this galaxy.”
