Page 5 of Unrivaled Love
Kay, HO
Myheartisracingas I get to the locker room after the match. All the emotions of my first game on the US Team, my first goal in international play, pulse through my veins. And my family was here to see it all. I slump down on the bench seat and hold my head in my hands. I don’t know if I want to laugh, cry, sleep, or do all three at once.
Wins with the Salt Lake City Futbol Club feel good. Definitely. But this rush of emotions reminds me I’m playing for my country now. Something bigger than fandom. That I’ll be on a global stage this time next year.
I’m so fucking ready for it.
Coach Taylor knew we had the stronger offense and if we could keep position we'd win. And that is exactly what happened. I haven't looked at the game stats yet but it felt like we held the ball 70% of the time. I had a few runs at the net. I’ll probably lose sleep over the corner in the 35th minute.
I hooked it in and the goalie got her fingertips on it at the last second. That tiny touch was enough to push the ball up and over the crossbar.
My breath had been trapped in my lungs as I watched it unfold in slow motion. Then as the air forced itself out of my lungs the world returned to warp speed.
US Team practice time is limited right now. Almost all the girls play in the PSL, Professional Soccer League, so we’re busy with our club teams. Even with the lack of training time, we had plenty of solid passes, and we'regelling. It helps that Coach Taylor gets us together for virtual team bonding every other week.
We did a hot sauce tasting last month that taught us a lot about each other's gastrointestinal personalities.
Which you eventually learn as a teammate when you're in the locker room or on the team bus together week in and week out.
My Salt Lake City FC team bonded over a stop at Calvin's when we played in Milwaukee and had to try their famous butter burgers.
Let's just say we were all off fast food for a few weeks.
But whose system processes trans fats fastest is not what I should be thinking about right now.
My mind needs to be on post game recovery, reviewing the game, and coming up with my training tasks for the week ahead.
The rest of the team mills around the room as cool down processes continue. Massages, cupping, and ART sessions are happening in the training room. Shower karaoke is in full effect and I hear a few girls belting out their best rendition ofWe Found Love.
I glance over at Coach Taylor’s office and watch his eyebrows dance while he talks. The US team group chat had a whole thread about those infamous eyebrows and whether he could use them to signal plays to us during the game. I gave a thumbs up reaction to a few of the funnier scenarios.
With one final inhale and exhale my heart rate feels normal. And I am ready to take off my cleats and begin my postgame ritual.
Left shoe first, then right.
Left sock and left shinguard first, then right.
Shirt, then shorts, and I grab a towel as I head to the showers where I strip off my sports bra and underwear.
In the shower, I wash my hair and body and when I turn to rinse the second my eyes close thoughts I shouldn’t be having, crash in.
Call me a glutton for punishment but my brain is stuck on Bryson Svoboda.
He was here today. I heard his name called while we were in the locker room at halftime. I missed a few moments of Assistant Coach Vee's instructions to the defense because just hearing his name puts my brain in a choke hold.
I've been avoiding my childhood best friend turned first love for seven and almost a half years now. Call it self preservation. Call it evasion. But no one ever said I wasn’t determined to get what I want.
And what I want is to surround myself with people who believe in and support me, unconditionally.
Avoiding him has taken considerable effort and careful planning because our families are impossibly close.
One, our parents still live in our childhood homes only separated by the park between the backyards. When I'm home I can see his bedroom window from mine and I wonder if it still has the hockey themed strip of wall paper around the top or if his mom has redecorated. I doubt she got rid of the trophy shelf. He probably has a mini Stanley Cup up there now too.
Pause for a dramatic eye roll.
Two, our families share a vacation home in Telluride and spend summer vacations and winter breaks there together.
Three, our siblings all still live in Grand Junction which isn't exactly a small town but when you're a professional athlete people are always clamoring to know you or claim a connection so it shrinks with every ad I book or championship he wins.
