Page 41 of Below the Far Horizon
“I feel a little bit guilty,” she said.
“Why?” he asked right away.
“Because my mom has asked me multiple times how our relationship is going, and… I’ve been on the verge of admitting that we don’t really have one.”
“It’s made me feel uncomfortable as well, although my dad hasn’t asked. I guess that’s the difference between men and women.”
“Possibly. But yeah, I’ve been on the hot seat a couple of times, and… I don’t like lying. Or deceiving. And I feel like I’ve been on the verge of having to do both multiple times.”
“I guess the remedy for that is to come clean.” The oars dipped in and pushed twice more before he spoke again. “I don’t like the idea of the guilt, although I love the idea of the fact that our parents are closer now than they were.”
“Same. But I honestly think that we could probably lay off and they’ll be fine. I think they like each other well enough that they don’t need us anymore.”
“If they even did to begin with.”
“Good point. I’ve spent a little bit of time wondering if they were together because of us, or if I was just giving myself more credit than I deserve.”
“That is a legitimate question.”
They were quiet again with just the dip of the paddle and the occasional sound of their parents’ laughter carrying across the water. They didn’t stay right with them but gave them privacy and space.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“You just did,” she said easily, smiling, because she always thought it was funny when someone asked if they could ask a question.
“Sorry. I’ll take that as a yes. Although, you might not appreciate me prying. Maybe I should have specified it’s a personal question.”
“Go right ahead.” She didn’t know that everything in her life was an open book, but she couldn’t think of anything off the top of her head that she wouldn’t be willing to discusswith Trevor.
“How long did it take you to get back on the water?”
She knew exactly what he was referring to. “It was the year after. I didn’t go back in the rest of that summer. And I didn’t want to go in the summer after, but… My mom really thought it was important that I did. I’m glad she made me, because growing up beside the lake, there’s so much enjoyment there. But… I would never do it without a life vest.”
“We shouldn’t have to begin with.”
“Standards were different back then. We weren’t doing anything everybody else didn’t do. Not that I’m defending it, because I agree, it’s just…it wasn’t like we were being rebellious.”
“Yeah. That was the incident that made me determined that I would never go on the lake without one.”
“I never figured out what happened,” she said.
He didn’t pry, and she appreciated that. She didn’t want to rehash everything while they were in kayaks on the water. The water underneath them wasn’t deep, but it was well over their heads and measured in dozens of feet rather than single digits.
“I guess I have another question similar to that one.”
Similar to how did she ever get back in the water again? Or how long did it take her to get back in the water?
“Okay,” she said, leaving it open-ended so that he could ask whatever he wanted.
“How long do you think it’ll take you before you’re ready to date again?”
Whoa. That was unexpected. It took a minute for her to shift gears in her head.
It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought of dating again. She just…hadn’t thought about it lately.
“When it first happened, I didn’t think I would ever date again. I…don’t think I ever wanted to beg my husband to take me back. After all, he cheated on me, and I really didn’t want to go back. But I wanted him to not cheat, you know? To take it all back. I wanted to find out that it was wrong, not true. I wanted to die at times too.” She said the last bit very softly, because it wasn’t something she discussed with just anyone. In fact, Trevor was the first person she had mentioned it to outside of the counselor that she’d gone to for five sessions before she quit.
“I think I can understand. I can’t even imagine how terrible it must have been.”
