Page 42 of Below the Far Horizon
“You know a little bit, because I did it to you. Sometimes I wondered if I was reaping what I sowed. I never cheated on you. I promise you that. But I did leave, and my focus was on me, and I didn’t think a whole lot about how I was hurting you.”
“It did hurt. I felt like…I wasn’t worth anything. I wondered what was wrong with me that you wouldn’t love me. That I was such an easy thing to toss aside.”
“You weren’t. I thought of you for a long time after I left. Even when I started dating the man I eventually married, he never measured up to you. But I was determined in my heart that I would never go back. It…took a lot to bring me back to Raspberry Ridge. God really had to pile it on me before I saw the light.”
“I guess you’re stubborn.”
“That’s one way of looking at it.” She laughed a little, even though she wondered if she had gone back to Raspberry Ridge immediately, if she would have been able to avoid all the pain. But then she would have avoided the lessons too, and they’d already had that discussion.
“You didn’t really answer my question.” He spoke after they’d been quiet for a bit.
“I guess I don’t know how to answer. I told you, at first I was determined that I would never…” She let her words trail off. How was she going to tell him that he was the first, and most likely only, person she would even consider dating after what happened?
That after being married to the man she had been married to, he looked so much better than anyone she even knew. To have a man of character and convictions, who was also considerate and kind, who took care of his dad, and who made sure that he took care of her as well. Who cared about honesty and integrity and didn’t care what other people thought of him. Except for her, apparently.
“Now?” He prompted after her voice trailed off and she didn’t start speaking again.
“And now, I guess for the right person, I’m ready.” She took a deep breath, continuing to paddle, thinking, and choosing her words carefully. “I thought about this a lot. I know people whose spouse has cheated onthem, and they would never have guessed it. With mine, I think I should have seen the handwriting on the wall. I should have known before I even married him that he wasn’t a good person. But I know preachers who have cheated on their wives. Pastor’s wives who cheated on their husbands. Good people, people that no one thinks would ever do anything wrong, who abandoned their spouse and family, either with someone else or just because they couldn’t take it anymore, I guess. I don’t think there’s any way to know. In life, we just don’t get a guarantee.”
“That’s it. The truth. We don’t get a guarantee.”
“No. We don’t get a guarantee that we are going to be happy, that life is going to be easy, that people are going to do what we want them to do, that they’re not going to hurt us, that we’re not going to get sick, that our family isn’t going to suffer, that we won’t have friends who are going to die, or that we’re not going to go through tragedy. There is no guarantee. The only guarantee we have is that God is with us. And that He’s going to work everything out for our good and His glory.”
“Yeah. You’re right.” He swallowed and then said, “That, and if we’re faithful, our reward is in heaven. That’s a guarantee too.”
“Right. We don’t have a promise of earthly riches. While we do have the promise of a heavenly reward.”
“Exactly. You’re right. I think we go through life thinking that we should have a guarantee. That somehow God owes us peace and tranquility and blessing and ease and all those other things, but He doesn’t. He just doesn’t.”
“No. And I suppose that’s a roundabout way of saying that at first I decided I was never going to date again because how can I trust someone?” She let out a breath. “And then I realized that I can trust someone just as easily as I did before, because I have just as much guarantee—none—about the person being faithful as I did before. It’s just a matter of making sure that I’m with the person God wants me to be with. But even then, that person might do things that they shouldn’t, even though I’m completely in God’s will. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. It does, although I’ve never seen it like that before.”
They were quiet for a bit. They’d gotten to the edge of Blackberry Bay, where the sheltered area met the wider expanse of the lake. Theyneeded to turn around. The way they were facing, Grace had to turn her head and look past Trevor sitting behind her in order to see her mom and his dad. She didn’t do that. She looked out on the lake, thinking about all the tragedy that it had seen but how that was tempered by all the beautiful things it had been witness to as well. People getting married on the shores, families vacationing and enjoying the water and waves and the sun and the fun.
Sure, there had been shipwrecks and tragedies like she’d endured, but the good always outweighed the bad. Always. It was just a matter of perspective.
“I think it’s time to turn around. My stomach is growling and feels like it’s time to eat,” he said after they slowly drifted forward for a while, without saying anything. It seemed both of them were enjoying the warm sun on their faces and the cool breeze, as well as the peacefulness of the water. There was just something about being on the water that was soothing and grounding.
“I think you’re right. I’m thirsty anyway.”
“I have water back in the cooler, or I have a warm one here.”
“I can wait,” she said as they started to turn their kayak.
As they turned, she saw that their parents had already made it to shore and had found a nice site for them to eat their picnic lunch. The cooler was in their kayak, but the basket with the blanket and some nonperishables were with them.
“They’re so cute together,” Grace said as Don held his arm out for Gita, and she took it. He steadied her and helped her climb up the bank. It wasn’t super steep, but to see them taking care of each other like that just made her heart happy.
“My dad really is infatuated, I think. I feel like their relationship might be moving pretty quickly. We could hear wedding bells by the end of this year, maybe even sooner.”
“Do you really think so?” Grace asked, shocked. Of course, she realized that they were truly serious about each other, but as far as she knew, her mom hadn’t even told her sisters yet.
“Sure. Don’t you think?”
“I don’t know. I mean, my sisters are coming on Saturday, and Ithink that’s when Mom is going to tell them. It’s a little crazy to think that they could be married…married.”
“I didn’t mean to shock you like that. But look at them. They’re…so in love.”
