Page 45 of Below the Far Horizon
He pushed the kayak out and got in beside her with Trevor pushing it the rest of the way out as they began to paddle.
“That was unexpected,” Don said when they were far enough away from the shore that their voices wouldn’t carry. They spoke low just in case.
“I feel so bad for Trevor.”
“Grace was hurt really badly. I can understand that, and I see how it might be hard to trust again.”
“You didn’t have a problem.”
“I have years on her. She just went through her divorce last year. I’m not sure I would have been ready to be with someone a year after my wife left.”
“You were married a lot longer. You raised children together. There’s a difference.”
“Some people just love deep and hard and withtheir whole souls, and when it goes bad, it goes really bad, and it hurts clear down to their bones in a way that they just can’t get away from.”
“It sounds like you’re speaking from experience.” She wished to comfort him, help him through the pain. Feel it herself so he didn’t have to.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “But once you get through the other side, you realize that it’s probably the best thing that could happen to you.”
“I hate to say that I’m glad it did, but you and I wouldn’t be here together if it hadn’t.”
“That’s true. And this has been one of the best days of my life. I hope I have a lot more days like this with you.”
“I think we should plan on it.”
He grunted in agreement, and they skimmed out over the water. Gita was thrilled to her soul with the way her own relationship was going, but her heart hurt for Grace, who obviously was having trouble seeing what was right in front of her.
Twenty-One
Trevor didn’t say anything as they pushed the kayak back out into the water. What was there to say? Grace had said everything. The way she had completely denied that there might be anything between them had cut him to the quick. He had thought that they were developing something together, but obviously she didn’t feel that way.
He’d been trying to dig beneath the surface a little bit and to figure out whether she might be ready today, but she’d answered that question loud and clear as well.
It seemed like with Grace, he was always too little, too late or something. Maybe he just wasn’t the person for her. Maybe she could never love him the way he had loved her. He thought about her for years and hadn’t spent much time interested in anyone else. Obviously he’d been wasting his time.
But what else was he to do? He just didn’t find anyone else interesting. Didn’t want to get to know them the way he wanted to know Grace. Didn’t want to be with them the way he wanted to be with Grace.
It was hard when one loved someone who didn’t love one back. When you wanted to be with someone who didn’t want to be with you.
She is with you today.
He heard the voice in his head and realized it was right. Maybe he was sinking into the depths of despair for no reason. Maybe she had panicked and was afraid that she was going to have to declare something that she didn’t want to.
He felt like he was grasping at straws.
“Sorry about back there,” she finally said after they’d been in the kayak for at least ten minutes. The bay was wide, and they were only halfway across, out by themselves. He hadn’t even tried to figure out where their parents were and keep up with them. He’d been too focused on the pain he felt.
“It’s okay. You were just saying what you felt.” The words came out, and they even sounded normal. But he didn’t feel normal inside. He felt like he wanted to get away from her as fast as he could, but he had more kayaking to do. He could hardly tell his parents he wanted to cut out early. But maybe he could ask Grace if she wanted to.
“I panicked. I didn’t want to say. I?—”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to explain anything. You said what you did, and you have the right to say what you feel.”
He didn’t want to hear her flimsy explanations. And he definitely didn’t want an apology. Another,I’m sorry, Trevor, but you’re just not the right man for me, wasn’t going to cut it right now. He wanted her to want him. As long as she didn’t say she didn’t, he didn’t have to face the facts.
“Trevor—”
“Please just enjoy the quiet. It’s a nice day out. We don’t have to talk.”
