Page 47 of Below the Far Horizon
“I guess I don’t see that there’s anything to talk about,” he said.
His words were soft, since he was speaking mere inches from her face. He could see the little puffs of air moving her bangs, the ones that were not plastered to her forehead.
“Then maybe we shouldn’t talk,” she said, and he wasn’t sure exactly what she meant, until she started to lean forward, her free hand coming up and sliding around the nape of his neck, tugging gently.
He should resist her. Should rip away, but there really wasn’t room, not to mention, he didn’t want to. He wanted to just let her pull him forward, even though he knew this was going to make everything worse.
He’d kissed her plenty of times in high school back when they dated, but that had been more than a decade ago, and he wanted to kiss her now. To see if the memories he had were as good as the real thing.
Then, as her lips touched his, he stopped thinking about anything but kissing her, although he realized that his memories paled in comparison to the real thing.
It was a soft kiss, gentle, and full of more questions than answers, and that’s how he felt when he lifted his head, searching her eyes, his hands coming up and touching her cheeks, rubbing against the soft skin there.
Why had she kissed him? Why had he allowed her to? That was an even better question. She’d already hurt him, quite badly. Devastatinglybad, really. That was years ago, of course, but now, just today, she hurt him again. How many rejections was he supposed to take? And yet, he allowed her to kiss him, knowing she didn’t really want him.
Still, he couldn’t seem to resist.
In fact, as he sat there, looking into her eyes, trying to find the answers to all the questions in his mind, all he could think about was that he wanted to kiss her again. To lower his head, to pull her closer, to never let her go.
“Why?” He wasn’t supposed to care. That wasn’t a question he was supposed to ask. He was just supposed to take whatever she gave, be happy with it. But he didn’t want whatever she gave, it wasn’t enough. He wanted more. He wanted everything.
“Why what?” she asked, a little confused judging by the dip of her brows and the pursing of her lips.
How could she even wonder what he was asking why for? Why did she kiss him? Why had she rejected him earlier if she wanted to kiss now? She wasn’t the kind of girl who went around kissing random men. At least, she hadn’t used to be that kind of girl.
And even as he thought back, he knew she hadn’t changed that much. Yes, she was different from when she was in high school. More mature, more vulnerable, more determined to accept life the way it came and to thank God for everything He gave her. He’d found that out about her, and it had only made him love her more.
He couldn’t think of words to answer her question. How was he supposed to say, why did you kiss me? Why did you reject me earlier? Those questions made him too vulnerable, and he’d already been hurt enough.
Just as quickly as the rain had started, it was over, and he could even see a splash of sunlight trying to creep in under the kayak.
“It’s over,” he said, shifting to his knees, having to lean closer to her before he could lean away, lifting the kayak with his shoulder, and grabbing a hold of both sides so he could flip it. It landed bottom down on the ground.
“Trevor,” she said, her word a question, a demand, but he ignored it. He just didn’t think he could take any more. Although, all of him wanted to try.
“Our parents are waiting for us in the truck. Depending on how wet they got, they’re going to want to go home so they can change out of their wet clothes. It won’t be good for your mother to be sitting around wet.”
They could turn the truck on and turn the heater on and be just fine, but he didn’t want to sit here with her any longer. Yeah, he wanted to run away. To get away from her. To protect himself and his tender, delicate feelings. The ones that had been trampled by her back in high school and again now.
Why couldn’t he love someone who would love him back?
Twenty-Two
Saturday morning, Grace was helping her mom set the table for brunch, but she was still thinking about the kayak trip and how she messed everything up. Why couldn’t she say how she really felt? Why was she so afraid?
She figured she knew. After all, a person didn’t go through the kind of pain that she’d gone through with her husband cheating and leaving her without having some kind of scars and issues to show from it. And she assumed that’s how it was manifesting itself, by pushing Trevor away, because she automatically assumed that he was going to hurt her. But in their relationship, it had always been the other way around, and on Friday, she had, true to form, hurt him again.
He didn’t want to talk to her, didn’t want to hear it, and she was only hoping that she would be able to talk to him today, when he came with his dad, and find some way to tell him how she really felt.
Maybe it was too late. He certainly hadn’t acted like he was interested in hearing anything from her. Although, he’d allowed her to kiss him.
She wanted to touch her fingers to her lips, but her mom was coming in with a fruit salad to set on the table, and Grace was supposedto have the plates and silverware arranged for her sisters and Don and Trevor who were going to show up anytime.
“I think we have everything.” Her mother looked over the table, her eyes shining. She was excited, because she was going to be telling her daughters about her boyfriend.
Grace had thought that maybe it would be a good idea to tell her daughters first and then invite them to a meal, but her mom had insisted that the meal was the best idea.
It would be a fine idea, as long as both her sisters were okay with her mom’s relationship. If either one of them had any doubts or reservations, it was going to get awkward. But her mom couldn’t see that. All she could see through her love-tinted glasses was the fact that she was in love and she wanted everyone to be happy for her.
