Page 53 of Below the Far Horizon
“That’s just it. I really don’t.”
“Did he give any sign at all that he didn’t?”
“He didn’t try to talk me into it once I said what I did while we were kayaking.”
“Do you want a man who can’t take no for an answer? You said a clear no, he respected your boundaries. If you put boundaries down that you didn’t want to have down, it’s your job to go tell him that you are wrong, that you want him, that you love him.” Stacy paused. “If you do. I’m not suggesting you lie.”
“I know. Do you really think that that’s what I need to do? I always thought the man should chase the woman.”
“Women do like to be pursued. To know that their man really wants them. But you told him no so many times. You don’t want him to disrespect your no, right?”
“I kind of do.” But she understood what Stacy was saying. When she said no, she wanted that to be respected. At the same time, she wanted him to chase her, which didn’t make sense.
“Sometimes I don’t understand myself.”
“I think women are so complicated they can’t even get themselves figured out. Because we want to be able to say no and yet have the man know when we actually mean yes, but sometimes we say no and we mean no, and we want them to know that too.” Stacy smiled, like she hadn’t just said something really complicated.
“You’re going to be a really great mom of teenagers.”
“Good thing, since I’m going to have a teenager next year.”
“Where did the time go?” Grace asked, wondering how her life had gone by so quickly and she missed it. Or not missed it, just…wasted it. Wasted time on her ex when she should have been spending that time on someone who appreciated her. On Trevor.
“I can’t answer that, but I can say you don’t want the rest of yourlife to fly by while you make wrong decision after wrong decision.” Stacy scrunched her face up. “No offense. I assume that you agree with me that walking away from Trevor the first time was a wrong decision.”
“Yeah. I can see that now easily.” Grace was surprised at how easy it was to admit that. Maybe that showed the maturity she gained, because when she left, she wouldn’t have admitted that she was doing anything wrong, and for years afterward, she felt the same. Admitting she had been wrong showed weakness. She didn’t want anyone to see any weakness in her. So, she would insist that she was right no matter how wrong she was. Talk about dumb.
“I think I’ve matured some. Maybe I give myself too much credit.” She smiled in a self-depreciating way. After all, she thought she knew everything when she left. Now, anytime she felt like she had arrived at all, it made her feel like maybe she was just as wrong as she was before.
“I think it’s hard to know when we’re deceiving ourselves and when we’ve truly learned. But I do think that you want to do your best to try to make things right with Trevor. Especially if you feel for him the way I think you do.”
“I always have. I don’t know why I felt like success outside of Raspberry Ridge was more important than the people here. I’m sorry. That included you, and I wasn’t very nice for a while.”
“It’s fine. I know I’ve messed up plenty of times in my life as well, and I don’t see you lording it over my head at all.” She laughed. “You could tell me how bossy and controlling I was when we were growing up and how bossy and controlling I still am. My family doesn’t hesitate to tell me.”
“In a loving way, I’m sure. There are times where we need bossy and controlling people in our lives, and there are definitely times where I appreciate your bossy controllingness.” She paused. “Maybe now, when I really needed someone to tell me that I was being ridiculous by expecting Trevor to know that I said no but I meant yes.”
“I wouldn’t hesitate to go tell him that I was wrong. Of course…” Stacy sighed.
“He might not feel the same way anymore.”
“I suppose. Or he might not want to take another chance on you. I don’t think his feelings would have changed that much in this shortamount of time, but… I guess that’s a chance we have to take when we miss our opportunities.”
“True.”
Stacy stood to her feet and stretched. “I better get home. My family is going to wonder where I am. And I’m going to need some of my bossy controllingness to get the house put back in shape, because it never is cleaned to my standards when I’m gone.”
“Or maybe you could just lower your standards and love your family,” Grace said with a bit of a gleam in her eye.
“That’s good advice, little sister,” Stacy said as they embraced, and they chatted for a bit more before Stacy left.
Grace went to bed feeling lighter than she had for a while. She had a plan anyway. She needed to talk to Trevor and lay everything out on the line. She needed to be vulnerable and humble, which was not going to be easy. And maybe even apologize for her arrogance and pride. Not just for her arrogance and pride of her teenage years, but of the last few days. And then, it would be up to Trevor as to what happened.
Twenty-Five
Would you have time to meet me at the healing garden? I have something I need to say to you.
Trevor glanced at his phone where it sat on the workbench, a message from Grace lighting up the screen.
