Page 55 of Below the Far Horizon
“That’s just it. It was a lie. It was a lie just like the lie I told when I left town when I was a teenager in high school. I went flying out, all arrogance and confidence, but in reality, I still loved you. I wanted to stay. I just somehow thought that success in the world was more important than finding a man of integrity and character.” She smiled and laughed a dry, humorous laugh. “Obviously my life has taught me lessons that I wish I would have known then. Lessons like character and integrity are far more important than material success. That finding a man with those qualities is harder than you think. And when you find someone like that, when you’re in love with someone like that, and they’re in love with you, you should hold on as hard as you can.”
Her eyes lifted, and they met his, and he felt that connection the whole way to his core.
“When I came back, I felt it again. I thought that maybe you were feeling the same way, and then… I decided that you weren’t. I don’t know. I guess I’m confused and don’t trust myself and what I see and feel, because I’ve been so wrong in my life. But one thing I know for sure, if you’re willing to take a chance on me, I love you, and I’d like to be with you. However you think that should look.”
She stood before him, meeting his eyes for one more second before she lowered her head, her own hands clasped behind her back, her posture slightly stooped as though she were standing in humility before him.
He didn’t like that posture any more than he liked the arrogant thumbing her nose posture, but he understood what she was saying with her words and posture. That the next move was his, and she would be humble and submissive to whatever it was. He supposed that left alot of room for him to manipulate or be unkind, but it also showed that she trusted him, and it showed her humility and sorrow for what she had done.
He didn’t know what to say. Or where to start. This was basically his dream come true, but… It almost seemed too good to be true.
“You love me?” he finally said, supposing that was the most important thing. After so long of wishing and wanting and waiting, she was finally saying that she loved him? Or had he misheard her and not fully understood that what she was saying was not only did she love him, but she loved him when she left, and she regretted it?
That changed everything.
“Yes. I love you. I’m so sorry for the stupid way I’ve acted. Stupid when I was younger, stupid just the other day. Just stupid all around. I wish I could guarantee that I wasn’t going to be stupid ever again, but I’m afraid I probably can’t. My history speaks for itself.”
For the first time, there was a bit of humor in her eyes. One of the things he loved about her was that she wasn’t afraid to laugh. That she laughed easily at herself, with a self-deprecating humor that he found endearing.
“That’s one of the things I love about you. Maybe I don’t want you to change it.” He wasn’t sure whether that was true. He didn’t love that she had left for so long, but he did love that she was apologizing and admitted that she loved him when she left. That soothed his heart and soul in a way that nothing else ever could.
“I suppose you can see that in me for the rest of my life.” Now there was no denying the twinkle in her eyes.
“I hope I can. I hope this means that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with me.” That was jumping the gun. They were just getting together, and here he was demanding that she devote her life to him.
But she didn’t seem put off by the idea.
“That’s what I love about you. One of the many things. You know what you want, and it’s not a flash in the pan and then it’s gone. You’re not jumping from woman to woman to woman. It’s just me.”
“It’s always been you.”
He thought about how when she had left it was like the sun had set in his life, had gone below the far horizon, and now, it was like it was stillbelow the far horizon, but on the eastern side, and he was just waiting for the sun to come up and for them to start their life together. The same idea, but totally different feelings.
“I know. You’ve never wavered. While I’ve waffled back and forth and up and down. All over.” She lifted her shoulder and looked down.
“I don’t care. I have enough steadfastness for both of us.”
“We don’t need it. Because I’m set on you, for the rest of my life. However long that is.”
“Hopefully a really long time,” he said, grinning a bit, because he had every intention of living for decades longer and expected her to as well. He took a step forward, touching her arm. She twisted her hand and moved so that their fingers linked together, tightening a bit until he took another step toward her.
“You’re bossy,” he said.
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet,” she said, and he had to laugh. She really wasn’t bossy or demanding or controlling. Maybe she had been a little success oriented and defined success in a way that he didn’t, but she wasn’t the kind of person who tried to make others do what she wanted.
“I just wanted to remind you that I’m divorced, with no job, no money, and a terrible credit rating.”
“Is there anything else you need to tell me before I kiss you?” he asked, not caring about any of that. They could work through anything. Work through whatever they had to in order for them to be together. The important things were already taken care of. She loved Jesus, so did he. God would be the center of their life. Everything else they could figure out.
“No,” she said softly.
“Good,” he murmured, tugging her toward him before letting go of her hands and wrapping his arms around her, burying one hand in her hair as he lowered his head and kissed her. It wasn’t a question kiss, and it definitely did not feel like a goodbye kiss. It felt like a hello to the rest of his life kiss, although it made his hands shake and his knees tremble and he had to end it way sooner than he wanted to just so he could remain upright.
He leaned his forehead on hers and waited for a bit until he caughthis breath again. “I don’t think we should kiss like that in public. It’s kind of dangerous.”
“I agree with you completely,” she said, and he was gratified to hear that she sounded like she was out of breath as well.
“Still, today is a bit of a special day, and maybe another kiss might be in order.”
